


Big Wheels

by seoulsoo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Boy Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Bad Boy Mark Lee (NCT), Bottom Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Doctor/Patient, Drinking, Fighter AU, Friends to Lovers, Huang Ren Jun & Lee Donghyuck | Haechan Are Best Friends, Idiots in Love, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Like really slow, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Mentions of Blood, Minor Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Minor Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Jaehyun, Minor Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Liu Yang Yang, Miscommunication, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, RACER AU, References to Drugs, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Street Racing, Street fighting, Sweet Mark Lee (NCT), Top Mark Lee (NCT), and really angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:53:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29991402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seoulsoo/pseuds/seoulsoo
Summary: Flashing lights and blood splatters, the smell of burnt tires, Mark healing his wounds. Donghyuck flying through the night. Two different worlds colliding into one.Alternatively, Donghyuck likes to fight and Mark— the perfect goody-two-shoes— is happy to clean him up afterward. But then, Donghyuck realizes there’s more to Mark than what meets the eye— late-night racing sessions and burning rubber an equal part of his life as his med training and fundraising galas. Chaos (and feelings) ensue.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 36
Kudos: 74





	1. Chapter 1

It was almost soft at first. A light pressure, like being poked in the side jokingly by a friend. The knife pierced the skin quickly almost with a pop. Donghyuck could visualize it, the cold metal entering his side. The way his skin would shift, his blood would flow out as if eagerly awaiting a release. He felt like a balloon as if the cut deflated him. 

It really shouldn’t have been surprised that he’d end up with a knife in his side. He has a reputation of sorts of being a loud-mouthed asshole that could throw a punch. Naturally, his shit-talking would catch up to him. Yuta was a good fighter and had been in it for way longer than Donghyuck had, but that was also why it was somewhat shocking he’d resort to using a knife. Street fights contained few rules but the weapons ban was genuinely well respected. Most fighters fought for the thrill of it anyways, the adrenaline of getting hit in the face and getting back up. A knife took that away. 

Donghyuck probably should have kept his mouth shut. Him blabbing around town about Yuta’s weak spots, about his tendency to step back with his left foot when he punched, an easy access point to throw the man off-balance, was sort of a shitty thing to do. It showed a lack of respect for the elder, revealing his weakness to other opponents essentially requiring Yuta to a) completely retrain which is nearly impossible. Fighting becomes a dance embedded into one’s bones or b) drop out of fighting. Another impossible task for the same reason. In order to get his revenge, he had to take Donghyuck out. He had to show that the disrespect would not go without punishment and those who listened to Donghyuck would follow the same fate if they went after Yuta’s weakness. 

So yes, Donghyuck can understand why the older man’s thumb is practically in his spleen, but that doesn’t mean he is happy about it. 

With a simple “keep your mouth shut” whispered in his ear, Yuta pulled the knife out and his gang was on their way. The crowd had quieted down, some already likely leaving realizing this wasn’t the typical fistfight. 

Renjun was over to Haechan in a heart-beat, putting pressure on the wound and helping Haechan to stand. If he was being honest to himself, everything went sort of fuzzy. The words Renjun telling him inaudible. It felt like his heartbeat was bleeding out of his wound, as if that dirty, wet concrete under his feet was asking for his blood, eagerly waiting for him to feed it more. The last thing he sees is a puddle of his own blood. Then he blacks out.

\- 

He woke up to Mark Lee, his roommate, his absolutely perfect roommate that just so happened to be training to be a med surgeon, shining a light in his eyes. Mark’s brows were creased and although he was staring into his eyes, Donghyuck felt he wasn’t really looking at him. 

“What’d you do now?” He says turning the light off and moving on to the next item in his tool kit- a bottle of vodka apparently.

“Good to see you too,” Donghyuck replies, already wishing to blackout again just to avoid the searing pain in his abdomen. 

“Yuta got him tonight. Right in his side. The knife looked clean but I was back with Yukhei when it happened.” Renjun answers Mark’s question on Donghyuck’s behalf. 

“Of course you were,” Donghyuck says to no reply but still relinquishes in the slight red that flares up on Rennin’s cheeks. Only for a moment though because out of nowhere Mark is pouring the vodka on Donghyuck’s side. A searing pain like cold fire burns through him “Fuck, Mark. A warning next time.”

“That's what you get for getting blood on our carpet after I just cleaned it.” His tone is serious but the slight smirk on his lips lets Donghyuck know Mark’s not serious. 

It’s then when Donghyuck realizes Mark’s fingers are quite literally digging inside him, and not in the typically preferred manner. He uses his forefinger to measure the length of the cut, opening it slightly to get a glance at how deep it goes. It’s pretty clean, all things considered straight in and out. “Don’t move too much Hyuck.”

He always likes to call him Hyuck when he’s bleeding out on their couch. “It's really not too bad, just gonna seal you back up.” He says with a smile as if they aren’t talking about Donghyuck’s body. 

“Great, can’t wait.” He’s sweaty and cold, seeing stars again. “Drink this.” Renjun hands him a glass and he gladly accepts. 

“Fuck Renjun.” Donghyuck coughs, the taste of vodka in his mouth and going up his nose as he sputters. “That's not water.”

Renjun just shrugs at him. “Figured it would ease the pain.”

“Ready Hyuck?” Before he can answer, Mark slides a needle through his skin. A wince than a moan. “Fuck Mark I thought you did this before!” 

Another smile. God Donghyuck can’t handle this, a giggly Mark leaning over his bleeding body, fingers coated at the tips in Hyuck’s blood. Remind him to explore that kink later. “Quit whining. It’s not that bad.”

“Says the man who doesn’t have a needle going through him.”

There’s something about Mark like this. Giving his full attention to Donghyuck. He passes as aloof, unconcerned about the younger most of the time. Even now he tries to laugh off his carefulness, but Donghyuck can tell from the way Mark’s eyes are dilated and the deep breath he takes to calm his hands before moving on that he’s concerned, that he cares. It makes Donghyuck’s heart do flips and he’s lost enough blood to be dazed enough to not care how fucked up it is to have a crush on your roommate that’s quite literally got his hands in your abdomen. 

Mark nursing Donghyuck’s various injuries has become a routine of theirs lately. It wasn’t intentional, Donghyuck hadn’t moved in solely because of Mark’s medical background, it just worked out that way. In fact, Donghyuck had had no plans to even tell Mark about what he did on the weekends to pass the time. Mark Lee was far too perfect to be dragged into the messy chaotic world of Donghyuck’s hobbies. Donghyuck’s world was the feeling you get in your mouth after running a long distance, your teeth hurt and you think your bleeding. It’s that push that exhaustion that Donghyuck is so entranced by, the way he feels like his body is on fire, reaching its limits when Donghyuck takes another punch to the face, barely able to stand and he sees white, only to keep going, returning a hit to someone’s stomach and they're down flat. 

And Mark was so much more than all that, trying to save those like Donghyuck who are lying on the floor giving themselves away for some stupid high while Mark gives his all for a reason. Mark would hate Donghyuck if he knew his motivations, if he knew Donghyuck did this for nothing, for fun, not because of some fucked up childhood or call for attention. Maybe that would make it somewhat okay, maybe it could make it seem like Donghyuck was still worth saving somehow, but he wasn’t. 

They hadn’t really discussed it much, why Donghyuck did what he did. The first night Mark found out, Donghyuck’s mom had just died and Donghyuck needed an escape, didn’t tell himself that at the time though, pretended he would have gone anyways. But he wasn’t himself, wasn’t focused on the moment, maybe a part of him wanted to get hit just to feel something, distract him from the fact he hadn’t talked to his mom in five years and the last words he said to her wasn’t don’t look for me. She didn’t. He only sometimes regretted it.

It only took a few hits to get him to the ground, seeing red behind his eyelids. Apparently, he was unconscious the entire way home from the fight and when he woke up, he spilled his guts all over Mark and his kitchen floor. His ears rang and the world spun around him. Renjun was scared, he’d later admit, didn’t want Donghyuck to get in trouble.

It was a severe concussion, Mark would tell him the next morning when he started to be able to think again. Severe enough that Donghyuck wasn’t allowed to leave his bed for two weeks in fear sudden movement could cause a blackout again. Mark even made him wear a neck brace the week after. 

“You could’ve died, Hyuck. Could’ve gotten a bruise or bleeding and then your skull would be cracked open on a table. You’re lucky it wasn’t any worse than this.”

“Ya well if I died then at least I wouldn’t have to hear you whine over me.” 

“I’d hit you if I could.”

Donghyuck just sticks his tongue out.

Despite Mark’s protest, Donghyuck was back in the ring a month later. Skin breaking open at the knuckles as he wins his first comeback. Mark didn’t talk to him for three days and it almost convinced Donghyuck to stop, even more than anything else. But, on the fourth day, Donghyuck was trying and failing to bandage his hand when Mark came into his room, likely hearing his frustrated sighs, and took over. He hadn’t stopped since.

“Renjun, you can head home if you want. I can watch him. It should be good now.” Mark draws Donghyuck from his thoughts, wiping Donghyuck’s own blood off his hands with their kitchen’s towel. “Try and rest, Hyuck,” Mark says but his voice sounds so distant, his eyelids heavy to the point he has to fight to keep them open. Mark brings his hands over them so everything goes dark. He falls asleep. 

-

He wakes up in his own bed. A water next to him. The sun is shining through his blinds. 

“Maybe you should stop fighting.” Marks sitting at Donghyuck’s desk across from his bed. The chair turned to face the younger man. Arms resting on knees, concern laced into Mark’s face. 

“Maaaark.” Donghyuck whines, and then winces, speaking even exhausts him, a sting in his side when he breathes. “You say that like you think I’ll listen,” he huffs out.

Mark moves closer to him, helping him sit up, “Don’t push it Hyuck,” he nags at Donghyuck, almost like he’s annoyed, but the way he fluffs Donghyuck’s pillow and pulls his blanket up over his shoulders, tucking him in, gives away his worry. “Well maybe you should listen,” Mark replies as if remembering what they were talking about.” 

“Maybe you should mind your own business.” It's bitter than Donghyuck had intended, more venom laced behind his words, sliding out of his mouth like a snake’s hiss. He’s pulling the blanket up higher, almost to spite the work Mark just did, wiggling his feet so he’s no longer tucked snug, even if it hurts to move like that. “Not like anything you’ve said before has changed anything.” 

And it’s true, Mark had tried to convince him before that maybe fighting shouldn’t be the way he spends his free time, but Donghyuck had already given up the drugs for him, he couldn’t lose the fighting too. 

Mark sighs, attempting to breathe out the frustration that fills him. “You slept for 12 hours. It's almost 3. I have to head into my internship. Renjun said to call if you need anything.” 

Of course, Mark Lee skipped work to look after his stupid dumb annoying roommate, of course, he did. Mark was perfect like that. Mark and his perfect grades and perfectly pressed and ironed clothes and perfect friends and perfect face. His idea of a fun Saturday night was wine night at Johnny’s or attending a fancy gala with his Professor because he was the type of student who got invited to stuff like that, a firm handshake and charismatic smile. Donghyuck had thought Mark didn’t have to work very hard for anything at all, it just came so naturally to him, a plate always full but Mark never stressed, never worried, just attended his 1001 meetings like there was nowhere else he’d like to be, nothing else he had to do.

Really then, it was selfish for Donghyuck to add himself onto Mark’s list, to make him heal him. But Donghyuck was selfish, and he would take any time with Mark that he could get. He secretly craved the attention Mark gave him when he was injured. He had let himself take a few more punches lately, let fights last a bit longer, just so Mark could run his finger’s over his bruises, skin touching skin, eyes big and worried. 

Even now, Donghyuck knew if he whined a bit, sulked about Mark leaving, he would stay. He considers it for a moment, stretches his legs out as if trying to poke Mark with his toes despite him being across the room. Flails his body a bit with a pout but Mark knows him well enough to know when he’s faking versus when he’s not, knows Donghyuck's body so much more than Donghyuck knows it so he can gauge the level of pain he’s in. He wouldn’t leave Donghyuck if he didn’t think he could handle it, even if he might want to. Mark just pinches his exposed big toe and then heads out. Donghyuck can hear the rustle of keys as he locks the apartment door on his way out and he chooses to ignore the empty feeling that fills his chest.

Hours later, he thinks fuck it and tries to move, to get up and get some food, but his side aches, shooting needles through his side and he feels like he’s almost been electrocuted, the pain doesn't even stop when he lays down. He cries out for Mark, pain blinding him to the fact he’s alone, and pouts when he remembers he’s alone. He thinks he’s torn his side open, already pulling fresh stitches from the wound. He’s too scared to check, too exasperated, but he can’t help but dip his fingers down to his side, sliding under his shirt and dabbing the bandage, it feels wet and warm and Donghyuck knows he’s bleeding out. He stares up at his bedroom ceiling and contemplates letting it flow out, blood soaking his side then his sheets. Mark will find him when he gets home later, pale and cold as he’s drained of blood. Then he reaches out for his phone with all the might he has and sends Renjun a text.

-

“How am I suppose to help with this exactly?” Donghyuck’s rolled over onto his left side, right side with a gaping bloody hole pointing up towards the sky. Rennin’s standing over him, a fowl look on his face.

“Just. I don’t know. Help.”

“Jeez, thanks Hyuck, that answers my question.” Despite Renjun’s tone, he still reaches for the ointment he had grabbed from the convenience store on his way over. 

First, he drags a wet washrag over the cut, cleaning up some of the dried blood and Donghyuck kinda feels like vomiting every time he feels a gush of wind enter his side from the movement. He clenches his jaw to fight the strangeness of it all.

“It’s sticky Hyuck,” Renjun whimpers as he moves to dab ointment onto it.

“Gross,” Donghyuck scowls at him, “you know I hate that word.”

“Well I hate cleaning my best friend’s knife wound but you don’t hear me complaining”

“You literally just did Renjunnie,” which is apparently not the right thing to retaliate with as Renjun pinches the skin around his wound, forcing Donghyuck to arch his back off the bed, begging Renjun to stop. 

“Remind me to never ask for your help again,” he huffs out trying to regain composure. If Renjun sees him cry it’ll only make it worst. 

“I think most of the stitches stayed, Hyuck. Mark will know better but it doesn’t look THAT bad. Maybe a few is all.”

“Thanks,” Donghyuck offers as he tugs his shirt back on over him. Renjun helps him with it which is very un-Renjun-like but also very them. Renjun has been his best friend since they were kids and Renjun moved to the US from China and barely spoke any English besides Hello, Thank, and Goodbye. Luckily, Donghyuck spoke more than enough for both of them. Renjun got Donghyuck’s sarcastic humor more than anyone he knew, always able to give it right back to him. But after knowing each other one’s entire life, you become family. Moments like this are so simple, many would not even bat an eye, but it symbolized safety and care, something that Donghyuck hadn’t felt from anyone else since he ran away from home. “Have you heard about Yuta yet?”

Renjun freezes for a split second, one you probably wouldn’t notice if you weren’t Donghyuck, if you didn’t know Renjun like the back of your hand, almost more than yourself. It’s the way his shoulders straighten out a bit, a rare phenomenon for Renjun considering his horrible posture, the way he moves to pop a knuckle to distract himself as he thinks. The loud pop of it is covered by his words as he speaks, “Hyuck, let's recover before we think about revenge.”

“Not revenge. I’m not that stupid. Just what he’s saying about me. I know you know.”

“Not much,” he shrugs and Hyuck knows he’s lying, “Said you had it coming which isn’t a lie.”

“What else?”

“There’s nothing else.”

“Renjun, I’d rather hear it from you than Yangyang.”

Of course, that persuades him to tell the truth.

“He’s saying that you’re out. Got you so bad you can’t fight again, would be a miracle if you can even hold the right side of your body up again.”

“That ass.”

“I mean, right now, it is kinda true.”

“No one’s going to wanna fight again. Won’t take me seriously or will use me and my fucking side as an easy victory. Shit, he’s just embarrassed everyone knows his moves so now he’s trying to throw the attention on me.”

“Maybe that’s not the worst thing.”

“The fuck do you mean by that?”

“Oh I don’t know Hyuck maybe the head trauma wasn’t enough to get you to stop but after getting stabbed you think you’d reconsider.”

“That’s fucking rich coming from you, Jun.”

“Just cause Yukhei races doesn’t mean I support it.”

“Please, don’t think I haven’t noticed the boner you pop when he gets behind the wheel.” His words have gone too far, dug into a part of Renjun he likes to keep private. Donghyuck knows his words aren’t true. Yukhei crashed a couple of months ago and Renjun had never been the same, jittered his legs whenever he watched Yukhei now, didn’t even want to be there but didn’t want to get the call saying Yukhei died instead of being there with him. Donghyuck had offered to go along with, take off some fights near the beginning to be with him and share his worry but Renjun refused, not wanting to worry Donghyuck even more by seeing how it made Renjun. But he knew, could see the growing circles under his eyes and read the frantic texts giving a play by play of Yukhei’s race. Bringing it up now, using it as a weapon, twisting the experience into something less than love was gross, icky to even touch Donghyuck’s tongue as the words escaped his mouth. But Donghyuck had a knack for pushing others away, to hurt them with his words for him to have a victory. He tried to control it through fighting, tried to use his fist to consensually hurt others. But words were always his greatest weapon. Now, he just hopes they haven't slain a friendship.

Renjun’s heading out the door before Donghyuck can mutter out a sorry and without thinking Donghyuck pushes himself out the bed, adrenaline fueling his steps but he’s much too slow and Renjun’s already on the elevator by the time Donghyuck reaches the hall. Stress, pain, blood loss, exhaustion all hit him at once and Donghyuck collapses to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> This is my first time writing a chaptered fic and publishing it in pieces. I have most of the fic done now but want to wait to publish bits to give me time to flesh out the story. That being said! You won't have to wait too long to read it completed! I'll be publishing a new chapter each week but already went ahead and published chapter two tonight :) Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	2. Chapter 2

“We have to stop meeting like this.”

“Oh someone’s got jokes now,” Donghyuck speaks before he opens his eyes, words almost like a sixth sense to him, comes to him as easy as breathing. When he does open his eyes, he sees Mark staring down at his face, a playful smile on his lips, concern in his eyes. Donghyuck just stares for a minute, counts the moles on his cheeks. He feels light until he doesn’t, a wave of pain rocking through his head and he’s suddenly aware he’s in Mark’s room, neon stars on the ceiling behind Mark giving the location away, and he doesn’t remember how he got here. Insecurity hits his chest, aware of the fact if he can see Mark so clearly, Mark can see him as well.

“Why are you here?” Donghyuck asks and he moves to sit up but Mark gently pushes him back down, hand splaying across Donghyuck’s chest.

“Don’t get up yet,” he murmurs to Donghyuck. He’s trying to look relaxed, normal, but Donghyuck’s too familiar with the tenseness in Mark’s shoulders, the slight frown tugging at his lips to know that he’s in his doctor mode, that he’s worried. . “Renjun texted me.” Mark says after Donghyuck visibly relaxes back against his pillow, letting Mark real too, “He was worried.”

“How nice of him. After, you know, abandoning me in a hallway.” 

Mark offers him a smile, a small source of comfort as he moves the blanket up closer to Donghyuck’s neck. “Actually, he came back and saw you had fallen. Didn’t know what to do so he texted me. He and Yukhei helped me carry you here.” Donghyuck only feels slightly humiliated by the reveal. He really doesn’t deserve any of the people he has in his life. 

“So now I’m just a complete asshole” Donghyuck says it as a joke, but knows a part of it might be true too. 

“Only slightly.” Mark smiles at him. He looks fond, soft. Slight under-eye bags not diminishing his beauty but adding to it, making him look so human that Donghyuck can’t help but lean forward a bit, enamored by the boy leaning over him, hand still resting on Donghyuck’s chest. 

Mark leans back as Donghyuck moves forward, first with just his chest then his whole body, and Donghyuck really wishes he could move, could run both from himself and Mark. Mark scoots down, away, giving Donghyuck breathing space, and lets out an awkward cough. What the fuck was Donghyuck thinking? What was even going to do? He tries not to picture Mark’s pink lips slotted against his, tries not to think about the fact he was picturing Mark moaning his name.

“Uh, what time is it?” he asks to push the moment further away.

“Almost 5. You’ve been out the whole day.” Mark says and Donghyuck doesn’t recognize him as the boy seconds ago was tucking him into bed. He loos awkward, close to falling off his own bed just to get away from Donghyuck as if repulsed by him.

Dongnhyuck tries not to think about it. “Did you have to leave work?”

“Just a bit earlier. It's fine.” Mark shrugs but stress surrounds him in the way his voice is hoarse and hair looks ran through and through and through as if tugging on it would bring Mark relief. 

“I’m sorry,” Donghyuck whispers, knowing he’s the root cause for a majority of Mark’s worries, unable to even give the boy a break when he’s at home. 

“I said it's fine.” Mark’s smile is warm and melts into Donghyuck, he can’t help but mimic it back, softly, and that just makes Mark smiles all the more, “Taking care of you is probably better practice than anything at the hospital anyways” 

“You mean you don’t like pumping drunk college students' stomachs in your free time?”

“Not particularly, no.” 

It’s nice, moments like this, where Donghyuck can tease but without any venom, he’s still half asleep and feels like the conversation is moving along without him fully but he lets it take him, lets Mark gummy tooth smile pull him along. He can almost forget the moment from before, can almost chalk it up as a bad dream. 

It’s nice until it's not.

“What happened with Renjun?” Mark asks with seriousness in his tone, smile disappearing into concern.

Donghyuck pulls the duvet up even more so half of his face is covered and groans, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Mark just pats him on his head and now, as Donghyuck starts to feel his toes again, the warm spell Mark had cast on him before wearing off, the action just irks him, as if he’s some kid. 

“Well,” Mark says, seemingly unaware of the younger’s mood change and the fact he’s now entered a war-zone. “If you do, want to talk about it, I’ll listen.”

Really, it's unfair the way Donghyuck knows he means those words, the way his smile is so sincere, and the way Donghyuck wants to wipe it off a bit, wants to tear the other down. It’s cruel and it’s wrong but Donghyuck doesn’t remember when it became like this, when Mark became a bit more than a roommate than a bit more than a nurse, and now, possibly, a bit more than a friend. 

Donghyuck focuses his eyes on the stars hanging above Mark’s head, giggles at the idea of Mark hanging them up carefully, with intent. It’s not Mark whose smile Donghyuck wants to wipe off, it’s his own. 

“I don’t want to burden you anymore. You already do more than enough."

“Hyuck, you’re not a burden.” Mark sighs, “I’m sorry, about earlier.” His eyes are focused on his hands where he wrings his fingers together, “I shouldn't be telling you how to live your life. That’s not my place.”

“You shouldn’t.” Donghyuck smiles when he notices Mark shoot his head up to look at him, as if he’s thrown off by Donghyuck’s honesty, “But I get it.” And if Mark’s smile upon hearing that convinces Hyuck that maybe it wouldn't be so bad if it was Mark telling him how to live it, he chooses to ignore it. “I’m sorry for bleeding all over the floors.”

“It adds character,” Mark says and Donghyuck knows somethings changing, thinks Mark knows it too. When Mark goes to move Donghyuck’s bangs out of his eyes, soft touches tucking hair away, Donghyuck knows there’s no going back.  
-

They don’t speak about it, there’s no agreement or discussion, but Donghyuck would be a fool to not notice the way Mark seemed to come home right after classes now and hear his whispers on the phone about getting shifts covered. 

A part of Donghyuck is insulted by it, by Mark thinking he can’t take care of himself, but the other part is too focused on the butterflies he gets when Mark cleans his bandage, his fingers light on his skin or when he props Donghyuck up in bed to spoon feed him soup. 

He’s practically moved into Mark’s room, sleeping and eating in there now. Mark says it's to keep an eye on him better but Donghyuck thinks he could do that fine even if Donghyuck was tucked into his own bed considering he’s maybe 100 feet away. But when he wakes up to Mark’s arm hot against his own or legs intertwined, he decides not to question it. Mark must know best.

Spending so much time together is new for them, conversations aren’t just evolving around Donghyuck’s newest injury or Mark’s upcoming exams, but of favorite colors and songs and childhood stories that were buried deep down. Donghyuck realizes after one particular tale of being rejected by his second-grade crush and then proceeding to hurl on her shoed— the story causing Mark to snort and slight snot coming out with it, thus causing Donghyuck to howl out laughs until the both of them are gasping for air and squeezing their abdomens out of pain— that he’s never really opened up to someone like this, never allowed himself to be seen beyond the facade he builds. Even Renjun, who he has known for years, has not been able to knock down the wall around Donghyuck completely. Donghyuck had always thought that's why Renjun hadn’t ever tried to get Donghyuck to stop fighting, he had made his peace with the fact there are bits of Donghyuck’s he’ll never understand quite the way a fist does. But Donghyuck had been wrong, and Renjun had asked him to do the impossible, as if he had not cared to think about what that would mean to Donghyuck, to give up fighting would be to give up a part of himself.

But he doesn’t dwell on those thoughts, barely has any time to when Mark is with him 24/7.

Mark’s cute, Donghyuck realizes one early morning when he pokes Mark side to wake him up and force him to get them breakfast. Mark refuses to budge, letting out sighs and grunts that are unexpectedly high-pitch, voice gravely and uneven when he whines out Hyuckieeeeee and cuddles into the younger boy’s side, hot breath on skin. 

Donghyuck realizes it then that he might be falling in love, but buries it away the same way Mark buries himself into his covers.

By the second week, Mark finally lets Donghyuck get out of bed and walk around the apartment. Mark’s tense the whole time, arms stretched out forming a bubble around Donghyuck to catch him if he falls. Donghyuck would make fun of him for it if he wasn’t completely enamored by the whole thing. He considers acting in pain, just so he can stay in Mark’s bed a little longer, but the idea of getting to use the bathroom by himself again makes him walk with ease.

Despite escaping from Mark’s room and returning to some semblance of reality, Mark keeps a stern eye on Donghyuck, but Donghyuck finds himself not minding. He goes back to class, changes his bandaid, and cleans his cut between them. He and Renjun still aren’t talking, the longest fight they’ve ever had. So he settles for eating lunch in the library alone, actually doing his homework while he eats. He catches up on late assignments, gaining at least some points for submitting, and then heads home to dinner with Mark, even helping Mark cook now, even if Mark fusses at him to rest instead. Donghyuck doesn’t remember the last time his life has been this normal. He falls asleep at 9 p.m. just because there’s nothing else to do, wakes up at 7 a.m. like a functioning adult, even has time to do a few physical therapy moves with Mark while Mark drinks his morning coffee, engulfing a bowl of cereal while he tells Donghyuck to stretch before heading off to work or class or wherever else his hectic life demands him to be.

It’s all so domestic and so not what Donghyuck enjoys from life, the mundaneness of it all beginning to seep into his bones and turn Donghyuck dull. He catches himself the first time he laughs at some dumb dad joke Mark tells while he’s cutting up vegetables for their meal and almost has a mid-life crisis about who he is becoming, fearful of turning into one of those boys on campus that wears polos and boat shoes and has a healthy relationship with their parents. When he voices these thoughts to Mark, he just laughs at him, pats his head.

“There’s more to me than just that, Donghyuckie,” Mark says.

The part that Donghyuck fears the most, the part that he only lets himself think about really late at night, is that a part of him likes it. When Mark chooses to stay in and they both crash on the couch, Netflix asking them if they’re still watching as Mark snores softly into Donghyuck’s side, an arm thrown across the younger boy’s chest, Donghyuck feels so incredibly fond of it all and he realizes he could do this forever, could be ok with the mundane life if he shared it with Mark.

That weekend, any idea of going out and even watching a fight is quickly shut down by Mark’s soft knock on his door. He’s holding a bucket of chicken and a cherry coke, Donghyuck’s favorites. 

They move out to the living room, Donghyuck’s duvet and Mark’s body pillow cuddled with them on the couch and they spend the weekend there, cuddled up watching shitty teen romance movies Donghyuck finds a guilty pleasure out off. 

On the fifth film of the second day, a new record for them in terms of watching streaks, Mark finally breaks, letting out an exasperated groan and wiggles his whole body as if it pains him to watch another. Donghyuck’s bundle up on the other side of the couch, a smile hidden by a blanket.

“Not another,” Mark whines but his eyes are still a bit red from crying over the end of the last one, Donghyuck saving the sound of his sniffles for payback later. 

Two can play this game of pretend, Donghyuck thinks to himself before letting out a groan and a hiss, clutching his side for mercy. Mark’s sprung from the other side of the couch to Donghyuck’s side before Donghyuck can blink, feigning over him with worry in his big eyes as he leans over him, legs slotted together. 

“What is it Hyucke, what’s wrong?” he asks, eyes surveying all of Donghyuck’s body looking for an explanation, fingers moving to press around the wound and Donghyuck lets out another hiss as if the touch has burned him, causing Mark to pull away as if he’s been shocked.

“It hurts, Markie,” he whines, almost forcing tears into his eyes as he strains himself to be in pain.

“Let me help you, baby.” Mark says and his voice is soft and quiet and the word baby makes Donghyuck’s heart skip a beat, “where does it hurt?”

“It…it hurts….” he extends his words out and Mark’s rubbing his arm up and down as if trying to give him some comfort. The feelings nice, soothing. “It hurts here,” Donghyuck says pointing to his heart, opening his eyes to see Mark’s confused face. When he looks up from where Donghyuck’s pointing back up to the younger boy’s face, he’s met with a wicked smile.

“I hate you,” Mark says as Donghyuck burst into a laugh, successfully having fooled the boy. 

Mark pinches his arm where he’s rubbing, but the sting is void due to the ecstasy flowing through Donghyuck’s veins. Mark’s annoyance can’t be too extreme as he’s laughing too, flopping down onto Donghyuck and squishing him under his weight as payback. Donghyuck flails about under him as Mark pins him down, capturing his arms above his head.

“Apologize.” He says with a sternness that sends chills down Donghyuck’s spine, but he’s barely able to catch his breath from laughing, let alone form words. 

“I’m….so…rrry,” he makes out in between fits of giggles and deep breathes, the words losing their sincerity but Mark losses his grip on his wrist so Donghyuck can pull his arms down, blood returning to his fingertips. But Mark doesn’t move to pull away, he’s still lingering above Donghyuck with a sort of soft smile on his face as he watches Donghyuck’s high wear off, the only trace of laughter left being a bright smile on his face.

“What?” Donghyuck asks, his eyes go cross-eyed a bit to look at Mark, his face so close as it hovers overhead him. Mark doesn’t answer, doesn’t say anything, just stares, that same smile slowly fading away. Donghyuck can tell he’s thinking, his eyes although directed at Donghyuck are much farther away, thoughts of something else occupying him. 

“Mark?” he says, voice faint. Maybe he’s gone too far? But then Mark gulps, Donghyuck watches as his adam’s apple swallows. The seconds pass by in minutes— it feels like a century’s passed laying under Mark’s gaze. 

He’s moving closer, Donghyuck realizes, his breath growing warmer as he rests centimeters above Donghyuck. His eyes are different now, now they’re entirely too focused on Donghyuck, gaze heavy and intense that makes Donghyuck wiggle under it. 

“Mark?” he asks again, or maybe it’s a statement, a realization that the older boy is about to kiss him.

“Donghyuck,” Mark says back, and Donghyuck wasn’t prepared for the sound of his voice, deeper than Donghyuck’s ever heard.

Then Mark’s phone is ringing. The shrill sound breaking the moment entirely. Mark ignores it at first, continues staring at Donghyuck with his full attention but Donghyuck feels his body again now, no longer living in the clouds, realizes the situation, and feels icky about it all. 

It’s not that he hadn’t wanted Mark to kiss him, god he wanted it so bad— wants it still— but he knows the life he’s been living with Mark the past week or so has been a facade, hiding away the real Donghyuck who likes the taste of blood in his mouth and sound of ringing in his ears. And that Donghyuck is too much of a fuck-up to deserve a kiss from Mark Lee. He’s barely allowed himself to not feel guilty about taking up Mark’s time to heal, but to take his heart too? His kisses and sweetness? That is something Donghyuck will not do.

He turns his head away from Mark, lets out a cough to clear his throat and the message is clear— he doesn’t want it. Mark’s moving away, crawling off Donghyuck’s body and grabbing his phone off the coffee table. 

“Yeah?” he says into it but Donghyuck pays him no mind, already grabbing his things to make a quick escape into his room. “Fuck, I forgot. I can be there in ten,” he hears Mark say as he closes his door, locking it then finally taking a breath in. He hears Mark on the other side of the door fumble for his coat. He imagines he’s wanting to say something, but he doesn’t. 

He’s out their door without a word.

-

It’s his first night alone without Mark Lee in almost two weeks. And it’s a Saturday, meaning the city is alive out there without him, blood pumping in veins, spit and teeth falling out of people’s mouths, flesh hitting flesh. And Donghyuck needs to be apart of it the same way he needs water to survive, an aching— no, a calling— to be hit and to hit back plants itself deep into his gut, waiting to be fed.  
For a moment, he almost calls Renjun. Mark had distracted him from the loss of his best friend’s presence in his life, had filled the gaps, and stolen his attention to not notice that the other boy hadn’t reached out to Donghyuck since their fight, nor Donghyuck had reached out to him. 

He considers texting, calling. Moving on from the issue at hand and going back to how things were. But he remembers Renjun’s words, sharp when they sting with the truth. This fight was different than any other pettiness from the past. They both went too far. Donghyuck, with his quick comebacks, had ignored Renjun’s own pain and hurt to inflict. And Renjun, who Donghyuck and always known to not question his motives for fighting— maybe disapprove, of course, but silent these thoughts around Donghyuck. Renjun, who probably knew Donghyuck more than Donghyuck knew himself, and selfishly Donghyuck had thought that meant he’d always be on his side, always embrace the fight that fueled Donghyuck, had finally broken, finally became like everyone else and told him to stop. And no matter the reasons for that, even if Donghyuck knew they were right, it coming from him felt like his world had turned upside down.

Yangyang was probably busy, like he always was on the weekend, sometimes on the weekdays too. Impossible to contact after the sun had set— too many drugs and drinks and people around him to leave room for anything else.

He settles on calling Na Jaemin. 

Jaemin was in his Freshmen year orientation group. They had skipped all their sessions and gotten high in Jaemin’s dorm instead. A friendship quickly formed.

They didn’t see each other that much, neither of them the type to reach out to the other. But when they didn’t pump into the other at a party, or sometimes even after one of Donghyuck’s fights— apparently fighting rings sell the best X— it was always a good time.

“Lee Donghyuck! To what do I owe this honor?”

“Need to get out. What’s happening?”

He can feel the cat-like grin growing on Jaemin’s face over the phone.

-

Donghyuck’s disappointed in Jaemin, to say the least. 

“What? Come on I swear they’re fun,” Jaemin says next to him on metal bleachers, shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth. 

“A race, Jaemin? Really?” Jaemin just shrugs, mouth too occupied with not choking to form words. 

Donghyuck had been to a few races with Renjun before to watch Yukhei and found them to be an incredible bore. Stressing racing wasn’t as bad, those races a similar breed to him, a little recklessness behind their eyes that Donghyuck can relate to. But Yukhei only did circuit races now. After crashing his nice expensive car, his parents threatening to send him to the States to his aunt if he didn’t clean his act up, circuits were one of the only less dangerous options. Donghyuck’s not sure of Yukhei’s entire story but he thinks he remembers something about him getting into trouble in China and flocking to Korea to avoid dangerous charges. His parents having enough money to make the move with him and cover it up. Now he races much more secretly at places like this. Zhong Chenle worked the track during the summer on the infield and apparently had set a deal up with the security of the track to have it be opened when they needed, far enough out of town and on private property with its owner's states away to avoid any suspicion. 

It was less exciting as the races out on the streets, losing some of its thrills when it's more contained, similar to fights in the alley or a basement versus in a ring. But at this point, Donghyuck knows he should just happy to breathe fresh air. Or, almost fresh. Spurs of smoke exhale from the dozen of cars waiting for the whistle to send them off. A wrong gulp and Donghyuck’s coughing for what feels like minutes, eyes watering and he thinks he might die. When he looks to Jaemin for help, the boy’s put his shirt over his mouth, “Rookie.” He says as he hits Donghyuck’s chest, trying to dispel the dirty air he swallowed. 

He recognizes Yukhei’s shiny blue car as speeds off the start-line, and Donghyuck eyes instinctively search for Renjun. If Yukhei’s racing, he can’t be too far away. 

He’s standing in the pits with the rest of Yukhei’s crew, arms crossed against his chest and eyes darting to follow along with each move Yukhei makes. Donghyuck can tell he’s nervous, can see how bitten his nails are even from here. He wants to go down there and make him laugh, distract him from the moment, and maybe distract himself a bit too from the lingering thoughts of Mark and his almost kiss and whatever the hell that means for their friendship now. But they're not talking. And Donghyuck’s here with Jaemin, not Renjun. And that may just be how it is from now on. 

He looks to Jaemin then, maybe being sentimental about it all, just to see the boy light up a joint, inhaling for an amount of time that causes Donghyuck to worry a bit, eyes already turning red when he finally exhales. He directs the joint to Donghyuck but he declines. God, maybe he does need to talk to Renjun he thinks then turns back to the race.

He had missed the beginning of it quite a bit and apparently had missed something major as he seeds a bright cherry red supra cars away from the others, leading the pack and increasing the gap behind him with each minute that passes.  
The car moves with a sort of exhilaration Donghyuck has never seen before, except in himself before a fight. It’s chaotic, cutting too close on turns, causing Donghyuck to look away as it slides in next to its opponents' car, barely clipping the side of it before jutting the wheel and sending the around the curve to straighten back out with the upper hand. It’s careless, Donghyuck doesn’t have to know much about racing to know that, but also so incredibly in control of the movement, so at ease with one’s racing. While his competitors barrel over their wheel, the driver lets one hand rest lax outside the window. It stirs something in Donghyuck’s stomach watching the driver leave a trail of gray smoke behind as it wheels out away from the cars behind it, leaving enough room for another car between it and second place. 

It speeds past the finish line, a flash of wind hitting where Donghyuck sits in the stands, shoving him and Jaemin back a bit by the force of it. Donghyuck’s speechless, and judging from the shocked look on Jaemin’s face, he is too.

“Who was that?” Donghyuck asks. 

“I don’t know,” Jaemin shrugs. “But shit, with a speed like that, we’re probably about to know him soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading!
> 
> I'll be posting each chapter each week so be on the lookout for chapter 3 soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Thanks for your support so far! Please enjoy this chapter where things really start speeding up.
> 
> Note that there is a scene that might be triggering for some readers. It is consensual and brief but the depiction of it may be triggering. If you'd like to skip this part, please do so once entering Yangyang's room and then you can start again with “Yo, sorry about that.”
> 
> Hope you enjoy and I'll update again here soon!

Seeing Mark again is not as awkward as Donghyuck had thought it to be. Truthfully, he’s a bit too hungover to have even remembered that anything worth being awkward about had occurred between them. All Donghyuck knows is he needs to eat something and drink some water or death is imminent. Whatever strand Jaemin smokes is too heavy for him. 

He grabs a spoon out of the drawer and leans across where Mark sits, dipping his spoon into Mark’s bowl of cereal for a big bite.

“Sure, Donghyuck, you can have some,” Mark says

“Sorry,” Donghyuck mumbles as he scarfs down the food, milk dripping out of his mouth.

“Disgusting,” Mark says, pulling his sweatshirt sleeve down to cover his hand and using it to wipe off the milk from Donghyuck’s lips. His touch is gentle, soft. And for a moment, Donghyuck remembers the sensation of Mark’s breath so similar to the touch, lingering over Donghyuck’s lips waiting to be kissed. 

Mark pulls away and Donghyuck knows he must have remembered it too. Now or never, Donghyuck thinks. But before he can make a decision about how to salvage this relationship, Mark makes it for him. 

“You want coffee too?”

“Hm?”

Mark’s getting up, moving to the kitchen, and pulling a bowl from the cabinet. “You want a cup of coffee with your cereal?” 

A peace offering in the form of lucky charms.

-

“You wouldn’t believe the night I had,” Donghyuck says as he dives into the bowl of cereal Mark has poured him.

“Oh ya?” Mark replies, attention focused on the sports game playing on the TV in front of them. “Crazy game of solitary?”

His tone is off though, lower than normal as if he’s a bit grouchy. But things are fine now so that can’t be. 

He chooses to ignore it, continue on, and hope maybe he’s just overthinking. 

“Not exactly,” Donghyuck says with a mouthful of charms, “I went to a race.”

Mark visibly tenses at that, shoulders stiffen and hand frozen while holding a scope of cereal, milk splattering one drop at a time onto the table. Then he’s back to normal, eyes centered on the screen in front of them, but Donghyuck’s eyes are centered on him and he knows what he’s seen.

“What kind of race?” Mark asks, trying to sound indifferent but he’s already been caught in the act.

“Is everything okay?” Donghyuck asks, unsure why Mark is acting like this. He’d get it if he was mad that Donghyuck had gone out to a fight or something that would put his wound at risk of breaking open, delaying the healing process even more but that’s not what happened at all. Besides, Mark left him on his own last night. If he can abandon him then he can’t expect him to obey his commands of staying in. “The car kind,” he adds, answering Mark’s earlier question.

“Yeah…yeah. Just hadn’t thought you’d be feeling up for going out yet. Don’t you think you should be cautious?”  
“Please Mark,” he says rolling his eyes and sitting up, pulling on Mark’s shoulder to get him to finally look at him and not at the screen, “I’m fine, really. You did a great job of making sure that was the case.”

“Still… I don’t want all that work to before nothing.”

“Come on, Markie. Live a little. Honestly, you’re lucky I stayed in as long as I did.”

Mark just nods at that, accepting what he had already known to be true. But he still looks distant, like his mind is preoccupied with something else, deep in his thoughts.

“Did you…,” he starts to ask, and is that nerves Donghyuck is sensing from him? “Did you see anyone that caught your eye?”

“What’s up with you? You’re acting weird.” Donghyuck says. “There was one guy but the crowd was too big to meet him. I couldn’t even see his face there were so many people around him taking pictures and stuff. Apparently, he’s the next big deal, might even beat Jisung which is someone important I guess. A new street champion. Me and Jaemin ditched though, too many people. Smoked up in his car and cruised instead.

“Ah…” As if he’s running each word Donghyuck says through his head. “Wait, you guys smoked?” now he doesn’t look too good. “You really think that was a good idea?”

“Come on Mark we already settled this I thought? Why are you acting so…so… I don't know— overly protective?”

“I’m not… that’s not true. Sorry that maybe I worry about you.”

“Not this again,” Donghyuck gets up to take his bowl to the sink, talking with his back to Mark allowing him to be more vicious as he speaks, forgetting who he’s acting. “We already fought about this a few weeks ago, remember? You said then it wasn’t your place so why the fuck do you think it is now?” Donghyuck says as he slams his bowl into the sink. He’s being a bit dramatic, he’s aware but for Mark to act like this when things were going so good, things had turned for them for the better it had seemed. Their almost kiss…sure, it was awkward now to move on from that without diving into it, but that awkwardness was still the result of a friendship that Donghyuck had craved with Mark. But this…this made Mark seem like a stranger.

“That was before…”

“Before what Mark? You almost kissed me? You think that gives you any right to act like this?”

Mark shrinks at that, the mention of the kiss turning him small— which makes Donghyuck scoff. He hates cowards.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I regret it,” Mark says, not able to bring himself to look at Donghyuck. And the words hurt, more than Donghyuck would like them to have. Sure, he had convinced himself it was best for them not to have kissed, to have opened the door into turning them into something more. But for Mark to admit that too, that he was grateful they didn’t, stung. Maybe Donghyuck was selfish to have wished he wanted something else, to may hope his longing for Donghyuck would overcome Donghyuck’s own hesitation, but no, of course, Mark would want nothing to do with someone like him. No matter how much they played house, how much Donghyuck had thought Mark had forgotten his true nature, his words made it clear he hadn’t. Donghyuck had wanted Mark to want him even if Donghyuck thought he wasn’t worthy, even if Donghyuck knew it was wrong, he had longed for Mark to listen to the little voice in the back of his head that tells you right and wrong and go for wrong, for Donghyuck. But now, Donghyuck realized that would never be.

“So what the fuck are we talking about,” Donghyuck says, words sharp but voice level— almost exasperated.

Mark shrugs from where he sits on the couch, finally getting up and walking towards Donghyuck in the kitchen. He looks equally as exhausted from this conversation as how Donghyuck feels. Their friendship, the work they had made these past few weeks, crumbling at their feet. “I don't know Hyuck, I really don’t know.”

-

Yangyang is not what Mark would consider a good influence, and, precisely because of that, Donghyuck feels it only right to reach out to him and see what he’s doing. It’s a Friday night and honestly, it’s surprising Donghyuck had managed to quell the cravings inside him to lash out until the weekend. His fight with Mark a few days before filling their apartment with a palpable tension complete with silence and tip-toeing around one another— a stark contrast to the week before when Mark was pasted at Donghyuck’s side and they almost, almost allowed themselves to fall into something more. Naturally then, Donghyuck feels like he might explode when Friday rolls around, and Yangyang doesn’t disappoint when he sends a :P and an address. 

Donghyuck knows its destructive, this line he’s walking on, the way he left a note for Mark that he was going to Renjun’s and not to some party, knowing Mark will likely find out and look at Donghyuck like he’s broken his heart but maybe it would be nice for him to feel the sting of being disappointed by someone. He’s replied the fight in his head the past few days, his nightly entertainment before sleep, and gradually, he’s almost removed the hurt of each word that slipped out of Mark’s mouth. A part of him had imagined the words came from some sort of possessiveness Donghyuck wasn’t aware Mark had, which made it almost worst, almost allowed Donghyuck to think maybe Mark did want him, did see him as being enough, but then he had said he regretted it and Donghyuck gave up imagining the possibilities of something more.

And to destroy whatever this thing is in between them, to fully give up his fantasies, Donghyuck needs to remind himself who he is— blood caked under nails and bruises dotting his cheek.  
There are already scattered bottles on the ground outside the house and dried puke on the sidewalk when Donghyuck arrives at the address Yangyang sent him. He’s met with a wall of smoke as he pushes through the door and can’t help but think it smells like home. He thinks he's been here before, but can’t be for certain, probably too fucked up the last time to really be aware of his surroundings. Yangyang goes to the school nearby though, and Donghyuck thinks he recognizes the band poster above the couch as being the one he likes to listen to. 

Yangyang and him have some unlabeled thing going on between them. It usually occurs when Donghyuck can barely even left up a finger or open his eyes fully cause he’s too faded off whatever drug he bought off Yangyang and Yangyang seems to be able to smoke actual tar without it affecting him. Donghyuck just thinks his tongue ring feels really nice around his cock when his body feels like it's entering another dimension, the feeling of cold metal grounds him.

He spots Yangyang next to a glowing apple logo, dancing along to Tyler The Creator blaring through the speakers, having taken the aux he’s claimed himself DJ. 

“Nice tunes.”

“Dongie! Where have you been hiding?” 

“I just got here.”

“No no, not here! In life! I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“Oh, ya, I’ve been laying low.”

“Is it true then? Yuta got you?” While anyone else would be nervous to speak to Donghyuck with such boldness, Yangyang doesn’t waiver.

Donghyuck moves to lift up his shirt, the cut still red but purple bruise blossoming around, Yangyang moves to touch it causing Donghyuck to wince. “Sorry, Hyuck. Fuck, that’s awful. Let's get you something to drink. Numb the pain.”

“You do know I was stabbed like weeks ago right? Not sure if it’ll help now.” Donghyuck parks himself onto the kitchen counter, swinging his feet idly as Yangyang pours him a vodka-soda with a little more vodka than soda.

“Oh come on. Vodka is the world’s greatest medicine.” Yangyang hands him his glass and Donghyuck tries not to wince as he swallows it down in one go, Yangyang watching him as he does.

“So that’s the type of night we’re having,” Yangyang smirks at Hyuck before mimicking him. Donghyuck watches as his adam’s apple moves up and down as he drinks, moves his hand to wipe up the bit that spilled and trails down Yangyang’s neck. Donghyuck knows what he’s doing, and knows Yangyang knows too, as the other boy slides in between Hyuck’s legs, pulling his thighs closer to Yangyang’s body as he does. They're barely inches apart like this.

“So, what have you been up to?” Donghyuck asks casually as if Yangyang’s not looking at him like he’s ready to eat him raw.

“The usual.” Yangyang shrugs, a worthy component in this game Donghyuck’s playing, “Races, fights, drugs, drinks, work.”

“You have a job?”

Yangyang smiles. “Don’t act so surprised,” he pulls a blunt out of his pocket and lights up, offering Hyuck a hit with a nod and Donghyuck complies, breathing in the smoke and letting it out through his nostrils. It burns, just a little, but Donghyuck relishes in it. “Besides,” Yangyang exhales with little o’s that Donghyuck’s always been jealous he could make, “not a legal one.”

“Funny,” Donghyuck says as he takes another hit, immediately feeling himself relaxing, letting go of the thoughts of Mark Lee, “Hey, do you go to a lot of races? I went to one with Jaemin and there was this one guy—”

“—Minhyung,” Yangyang interrupts, “That’s who. He’s really something huh?”

“How do you know that’s who I’m talking about?”

“Come on, Donghyuckie, I know these things. Cherry red car? Fucking smoked everyone? It’s Minhyung.”

“Minhyung,” Donghyuck tries the name out on his tongue, rolling the words around his lips, “Do you know him?”

“Possibly. Why? You into racing now? I thought it was below you. Wasn’t personal enough to give you the satisfaction of a real win.

Donghyuck smiles with malevolence, “Don’t use my own words against me.” 

Yangyang looks at him carefully, observant, as if determine if Donghyuck’s worthy of the knowledge Yangyang can bestow onto him, “Ya, I know Minhyung. He kinda keeps to himself. Can’t tell if it's cause he thinks he's too good for the rest of us or just doesn't care.”

“Is there a difference?”

“Look,” Yangyang says, smothering the rest of the blunt onto the wall behind him, “As much as I’d like to talk racing all night, you wanna go up to my room?”

Donghyuck knows what that question means, it’s expected of Yangyang— especially when it’s Donghyuck reaching out to him. The two of them have this routine down to a science by now. Donghyuck knew when he texted Yangyang, this is where the night would lead. He can already feel the slight bulge in Yangyang’s pants up against his legs. And maybe, when he sent send, he was ready for that, ready to lose himself in someone else’s skin, but then, for just a moment, Donghyuck sees Mark’s face pop up behind his eyes, and he’s not sure if this is what he wants. But Yangyang's hands are itching closer, sliding up his thighs until he’s basically cupping Donghyuck where he stands and Donghyuck already feels a little tipsy, feels so close to following down a hole that might feel nice, to stop caring for a bit. 

-

Yangyang’s room is covered in alt band posters and photos of cars and naked girls that Donghyuck knows Yangyang has no real fascination with but also knows Yangyang’s roommates don’t know that. The last time they hooked up and Donghyuck accidentally passed out until the morning, Yangyang made him jump out the window from the second floor onto the bushes outside so they wouldn’t catch him. 

He told Mark he fell in a fight and that's what caused his limp.

Yangyang’s rough with him, which is what Donghyuck’s always liked about hooking up with him, he liked the way he could let his guard down and experience what it’s like to be on the other end of violence, to imagine that this must be what it's like for the people he knocks down in his fights. Likes the way Yangyang’s grip leaves bruises on his side for Mark to run his fingers over and sigh about the next day. 

Yangyang’s lips are already around Donghyuck’s cock before they’ve even fallen into his bed, a litter of dried cum and crumbs greeting them as they do land on the mattress. Yangyang likes to bite, to mark Donghyuck up with bruises and teeth marks and Donghyuck lets him for reasons he doesn’t know why. It’s not that he wants to be seen as somebody’s, to be marked by another, but a part of him likes to submit, likes the way Yangyang’s eyes narrow and he looks like someone else when he licks a stripe of blood off Donghyuck’s inner thigh after a particularly deep bite, causing Donghyuck to arch his back off the bed, thrusting towards Yangyang's warm mouth.

“Not yet,” Yangyang says shoving Donghyuck’s legs back down onto the bed then spitting on his fingers. “Can’t have you come yet.” His fingers slide into Donghyuck with no prep, three slick with Yangyang’s spit meeting resistance but he keeps pushing. Donghyuck sits up, tries to pull away from the motion but Yangyang’s pulling back down towards him, grabbing onto his sides to pull him down towards him and it shoots a jolt of pain through Donghyuck’s body.

“Fuck,” Donghyuck winces, “Yangyang, shit that hurts,” Donghycu says as he manages to pull free from Yangyang’s grip.

“Oh come on,” Yangyang moves closer in-between Donghyuck’s legs, “we’ve done worst,” he says with a smile. 

“Fuck you,” Donghyuck spits out at him, a hand grabbing his side, his swollen bruise the size of a softball still tender to the touch. The cuts reopen a bit, blood dribbling down onto Yangyang’s sheets, and that's when he realizes what’s happened.

“Oh shit,” Yangyang’s words are quiet, “Hyuck…” he moves unconsciously to touch the cut as if that will help, but Donghyuck’s already pulling away, crawling out of the bed and tripping towards the door as he pulls his pants back on. He knows he’s not mad at Yangyang, knows it was an accident. And yet, he feels like hitting something, feels like such an idiot knowing he’ll have to go home once again and have Mark clean his cut and look at him with such disappointment. For once, Donghyuck wishes, he wasn’t such a fuck up.

With his thoughts elsewhere, he fails to notice the tall, blue-haired boy running up the stairs and shoves into him with a force that pushes Donghyuck backward, falling onto the hardwood floor. Great, Donghyuck thinks, now I’ve bruised my ass.

“Yo, sorry about that.” The man says from above Donghyuck. He sticks out his hand for Donghyuck to take, “let me help you up.”

Donghyuck recognizes the guy as Na Jeno, a fellow fighter that Donghyuck’s had the privilege of knocking out before. Judging from the slur of his words and redness in his eyes, he’s too fucked up to recognize Donghyuck. 

He help pulls Donghyuck up and then pats him on the back like some sort of teacher telling him he’s done well. “Hey you wouldn’t happen to know where the bathroom is?” he asks Donghyuck and Donghyuck’s just about to tell him no and fuck off when suddenly—

“—Jeno, hey, what are you doing?” a voice says from around Jeno’s shoulder, a voice Donghyuck recognizes crystal clear despite the loud music coming from below the stairs, even besides the pounding in Donghyuck’s head, even despite his lack of sobriety, he recognizes it. 

“Sorry about my friend,” Mark Lee says as he wraps an arm around Jeno’s shoulder with a teasing smile on his face as he turns to look at Donghyuck.

It feels like everything moves in slow motion. Like the scenes in a drama at the end when the main girl is falling and the love interest scoops her up in his arms and then the shot freezes and an OST plays with ads and colorful filters layer over the image. He can see every movement on Mark’s face as his smile transforms into a look of confusion, of realization, of shock. The lines around his mouth disappearing, moving to his eyebrows to furrow together, his pupils shrinking down in size.

“Hyuck,” Yangyang’s voice interrupts the moment as he burst out his room, buttoning up his pants and whipping Donghyuck’s own pre-cum off on his shirt. “Donghyuck, I’m so sorry.”

But Donghyuck can’t stop looking at Mark, he’s sure a similar shocked expression on his face. He watches as Mark raises an eyebrow, does a one-take over Yangyang, eyes lingering on the blur of white smeared across his shirt, then turns back to Donghyuck, moving his attention to Donghyuck’s messy hair, lingering extra long on Donghyuck’s lips, which Donghyuck can only imagine are bitten up and bright pink and swollen. Donghyuck can’t help the blush as it rises up on his neck, both due to embarrassment from being caught and from the way Mark’s looking at him, noticing him in a way Donghyuck’s only ever imagined late at night. 

Mark moves to stand in between Yangyang and Donghyuck, grasping onto Donghyuck’s arm and staring at him with such intent Donghyuck feels himself shrink in. His grip is tight, almost burns to the touch where it rests on Donghyuck, his words mimicking the feeling of the touch, exasperated and angry and Donghyuck thinks if actions had sounds it would be this, “What the fuck happened?”

Something about his words, this question, breaks the spell. Donghyuck lets out a scoff, “Nothing,” he bites at Mark, pulling his arm out of his grasp with such ferocity that Mark stumbles back a bit. Donghyuck had foolishly tricked himself into thinking maybe Mark was looking at him with desire, maybe even jealousy, but it becomes clear to Donghyuck that that’s not true, he’s simply put on his surgeon hat again, analyzing Donghyuck as a patient nothing more. 

Mark’s eyes soften and he looks so much like himself and yet so different. Under the fluorescent lights, Donghyuck thinks he senses something wilder within Mark, as if something is waiting to be released from inside him and Donghyuck wants to find out what. But when he whispers out, “Hyuck?” soft, only for Donghyuck’s ears, Donghyuck thinks maybe it's all an illusion and there’s nothing more there than what he’s already seen a thousand times before. 

“Minhyung,” Yangyang says from behind Mark, pulling him by the shoulder, away from Donghyuck, “it really doesn't concern you.”

Minhyung, Donghyuck plays over and over in his mind, remembers Yangyang’s voice telling it to him, sees Mark’s face drop at the moment as if he can see each thought Donghyuck’s having as he pieces it all together. The cherry red car parked a few streets over from the apartment that Donghyuck had coincidentally passed one day when he walked home from Renjun’s. Mark had told him he takes the bus and Donghyuck doesn’t ever think about why the bus is running at 4 a.m., or why Mark’s out that late and sometimes comes home smelling like gasoline and his pupils dilated. He imagines it’s a friend who brings him home, imagines it's the high of saving lives that makes Mark look so reckless when Donghyuck catches him late at night sometimes. 

He’s such an idiot, he thinks to himself, such a fucking fool.

He’s shoving past Mark and Jeno and Yangyang before any of them can stop him, pushing past the crowds on the stairs and in the living room to storm out the front door, letting it slam behind him. 

“Hyuck!? Donghyuck let me explain,” Mark’s voice is yelling from behind him but Donghyuck keeps going, ignoring the snow that's gathering in his tennis shoes as he huffs through the front yard to the road. He needs to call an Uber, it’s much too far of a walk home, but he lets his anger fuel him as he keeps walking. 

“Donghyuck, fucking stop! You’re going to freeze,” Mark throws his own coat over Donghyuck’s shoulders. In the moment of running out of there, Donghyuck realizes he must have forgotten his jacket. Donghyuck can see Mark’s breath as he breathes in and out and in and out. He must have sprinted to catch up with him, his hands placed on his knees to help him calm his heartbeat.

Donghyuck’s not sure of the look he gives him but he’s practiced it many times before, one that feels like home on his features, one of annoyance and fury, meant to scare away all predators. But Mark just looks up to him as he continues to catch his breath, almost a smile playing on his face. “That won’t work on me,” he says almost fondly and Donghyuck turns to walk away again but Mark’s grabbing his hand, holding him in place with a surprising amount of strength Donghyuck didn’t know him capable of. His fingers curl around Donghyuck’s wrist.

“Please, Donghyuck. Let me explain.”

“Let go, Mark. I don’t wanna fucking talk right now.”

“That’s fine, we don’t have to just. Just let me know you’re okay, yeah? I don't know what happened with Yangyang—

“—that's none of your business.”

“I know. I just worry. Please just let me take you home, okay? It’s too cold out.”

Donghyuck laughs at the absurdness of it all, of the way Mark’s acting. “Don’t fucking baby me right now. Don’t. I’m Fine. I don't need your help. Don't make this about you caring for me cause that's bullshit, Mark. What am I? Just some toy that makes you feel better about yourself?” He can’t believe Mark is just like him. Craves the same thrills that Donghyuck does. All the intrusive thoughts Donghyuck’s entertained, allowed to hold him back from Mark’s lips, from his body, were for nothing. He’s not the perfect, goody-toe shoes Donghyuck had thought him to be, and yet, why why why didn’t Mark want him then, the way Donghyuck wanted him?

“Hyuckie, no. What?” He looks like he’s about to cry, “I'm sorry, okay. I’m so fucking sorry. I know I should have told you I was just scared. I didn't want it to change things. I thought if you knew….” he trails off.

“Then what Mark?” 

Mark shrugs, “I don’t know, I just thought that you'd never stop. I just… I guess I just wanted something better for you.” 

Donghyuck pulls away, then it becomes clear why Mark can't have him, won't take him. He's still disgusted by him even though he’s no different. He’s still not good enough for him, despite it all.

“Oh fuck you, Mark. You’ve been judging me for fighting when you’re out racing every night? God, you’re such a fucking hypocrite.” He shoves Mark but it strains him, he sees a dark spot stained through his sweatshirt, his blood leaking through. 

“Hyuck…” Mark’s face softens, hands reaching out to help Donghyuck. “I care about you. So much. Can’t you see that?” He’s full-on crying now. He inches closer. His fingers wrap themselves around the loops of Donghyuck’s jeans, making the younger boy sway on his feet.

Donghyuck observes him, finds himself almost slipping but catches himself, places the last brick in the wall he’s been building backing up that Mark had once destroyed— complete again, “Just. Don't talk to me anymore,” he says and leaves Mark alone on the street as he turns away.


	4. Chapter 4

He can hear Mark, all the way over from the other side of the infield. Jaemin had upgraded their seats from spectators to VIPs, which Donghyuck didn’t question until they started getting closer to the infield and slowly approaching a cherry red car.

“Jaemin, who did you say invited you in here?”

“I didn’t say, but his name’s Jeno? Matched with him on Grinder, he seems chill.”

Fuck, he thinks to himself. He’s in no state of mind to encounter Mark now. The two of them had managed to avoid each other extremely well since that night at Yangyang’s. Mark hadn’t tried hiding his double life from Donghyuck anymore, there was no point. The cherry red car parked directly out front. Grease stains coated his shoes. Donghyuck would hear him leave late at night and come back early in the morning. It still felt like a fever dream to him, imagining what Mark did in those hours while most of the world slept. He imagined him behind the wheel of the car he saw zoom past others that night that seemed years ago with Jaemin— his hand dangling out the window with no care or worry in the world. To now know that was Mark stirred something deep inside Donghyuck. Anger, naturally for having been deceived, hurt— both caused by Mark and himself whenever he imagined what could be if only he had known, but Mark hadn’t even wanted that. Maybe, just maybe, if they had met at a fight or a race or even a party and Mark hadn’t even seen Donghyuck coated in blood and bruises and Donghyuck hadn’t ever seen Mark in a three-piece suit or lab coat, then things would be different. But they weren’t.

The other thing he felt, when he thought of Mark behind a wheel, was a desire he had not felt before. Mark, and his hidden obsession, played on repeat in Donghyuck’s head those same hours he’d be off doing who knows what. He allows himself to be selfish then, to betray his own anger and allow himself the guilty pleasure of thinking of Mark’s lips rough on him. He’ll trace his skin, lingering on where Mark had grabbed his wrist when he ran after him at Yangyang’s party, a touch so cold, so pale with his veins a prominent blue under his skin. He can picture Mark’s eyes on him in that hallway the same night, darker than Donghyuck had ever seen them as if he wanted to eat him raw. He can hear the softness in Mark’s voice, telling him he cares about him as it drives Donghyuck to climax. 

And then the sunlight would pour into his windows and he’d remind himself of all the rest he feels or feels that he should, the betrayal of it all.

Mark slowly started to move out the day after Yangyang’s. He doesn’t say anything, obeying Donghyuck’s demands to leave him alone (he only sometimes regrets telling him that). Donghyuck doesn’t even realize Mark’s not been staying there, been gathering his things to leave until he goes to steal some of mark’s cereal and notices there's none there. And his bowls are gone too. And that nasty greek yogurt he keeps in the fridge. Curiosity gets the better of him and he’s entering Mark’s room, sneaking into his closet, and finding empty hangers. 

So now, to be greeted with a high pitch laugh as he inches closer to the boy and his car, Donghyuck feels sick, like the world’s moving a bit too fast. 

He’s a bit drunk, maybe a bit high too, he can’t really remember that part. But he’s gone enough to release the anger within him and focus on the pleasure instead, finding himself craving to see Mark after all this time still— hastily sneaking glances of the boy. 

He’s seated in his car, door open to talk to those around him but grip tight on the wheel— high from the race still running through his veins. Donghyuck can relate to that adrenaline, that fiery in Mark’s eyes. There's a lopsided smile on his face, a bit cocky, and Donghyuck thinks it looks so good on him. He knows Mark’s noticed his presence but is trying extra hard to pretend he hasn’t. But Donghyuck had caught the startled look he made— even if just for a millisecond— when he had pulled in after winning the race, sweeping his competition easily, and Donghyuck’s laughing at something Jeno’s said to him and Jaemin. 

He can feel Mark’s gaze on him when he’s not returning it. 

“You’re new here,” a man says from behind Donghyuck— and honestly thank god. It was getting hard to keep ignoring Mark but even worst third-wheeling with Jeno and Jaemin who for just meeting seem to be unable to take their hands off each other. Jaemin was practically engulfed by the other boy’s arms. 

“I am,” Donghyuck says, turning around to the stranger. He’s greeted by a faded pink head of hair and a sly smile. 

“I’m Jaehyun,” the stranger says, reaching his hand out for Donghyuck to shake. He does so with a tight grip and a flirtatious smile. 

“Donghyuck,” he says and hopes Mark is watching now. 

“You friends with Minhyung?”

Donghyuck’s face most look confused because the stranger— Jaehyun— adds on, “the racer?”

“Oh! Right. Yeah. Minhyung,” Donghyuck nods, “Yeah he’s a friend of a friend I guess. You?”

Jaehyun smiles around the mouth of his bottle. “Nah,” he says and takes a swig of the beer, “I know his mentor, Taeyong. I help out with his car sometimes but he doesn’t really need me anymore. Much better of a racer than I ever could be.”

“Oh, so you race too?” Donghyuck asks as he steals Jaehyun’s drink from his hands and downs the rest of it. Jaehyun’s looking at him with a raised eyebrow but continues on.

“I like to say I race but I never get invited to these things.”

“Should we?” Donghyuck says a bit impulsively, but something’s fueling him, rather it is the heat of Mark’s gaze or the fact Jaehyun’s looking at him like he wants to devour him, “Go racing, I mean?” 

“I mean, if you want to? My car’s just over here,” he points back to a dark blue mustang that Donghyuck finds very nice to look at, enough so he almost gets the appeal of street racing.

He spares a look back over his shoulder at where Mark stands, and the older boy doesn’t turn away when Donghyuck catches him looking, he keeps staring at him with an unreadable expression, he’s looking carefully, as if analyzing the situation at hand.

Donghyuck just nods, keeps staring back at Mark as he answers, “Yeah. Yeah, fuck it. Let's go.”

And then Jaehyuns hand is in his as he leads him to the car, hops in, and slams the door as Jaehyun moves around to the other side, peeling away immediately with a loud screech, leaving Mark to breathe in the exhaust— a speck growing smaller in the rearview mirror as they drive.

Donghyuck thinks he hears Jaehyun talking, saying something about having fun but he just keeps staring and staring out of the side mirror until Mark disappears into the horizon. 

Jaehyun drives with a carelessness that makes Donghyuck’s stomach flip— and not in a good way-- his knuckles white as they grasp onto the dash. There’s anger in each turn he takes, flashiness— as if he thinks he owns the streets which Donghyuck, who has never street raced in his life, knows is a foolish thought to disrespect the streets like that. He drives as if he wants you to be impressed by it. But the car doesn’t feel in tune with him, but rather like it's abused— moving against its own will as Jaehyun jerks the wheel around a turn too late or too fast, the tires screeching as he does. 

It feels dirty, wrong— or maybe Donghyuck’s projecting what it feels to be driving with Jaehyun and not Mark. Jaehyun’s hand is alarmingly close to Donghyuck’s dick and each time he moves it up, about every five minutes, Donghyuck feels like he’s going to be sick. Feels like he’s being suffocated by the heat pumping out of the car’s vents, feels his ears ringing, and can’t tell if it’s the radio causing it or himself. He wants to be with Mark, he realizes all at once, palms sweating as he tries to rub it off on his shirt. He wants to be in Mark’s car, with Mark driving and taking turns a little too close, pressing the gas a little too fast out of stop signs, hand crawling to places Donghyuck longs for him to touch him at. 

He wants to be with Mark even though Mark hid everything from him. He also cared for him when no one else could— and even if Donghyuck was scared of that care, of the fact someone beyond Renjun has his best interest at hand which seems like a joke to a boy like Donghyuck who hadn’t felt that he mattered anytime before— maybe he could learn to live with living his life for Mark too, not just for himself. And maybe Mark doesn’t want to kiss him like Donghyuck wants to kiss him. He thinks he can live with that too, but he can’t live without having Mark Lee in his life, patching up his cuts and making him breakfast. He just needs Mark, in whatever form Mark is willing to offer him. 

“Can you pull over?” he swallows over the words, not even sure if it’s his voice as he closes his eyes, tries to take a deep breath.

“What? Why? I thought you wanted to have fun.” Jaehyun says, hand moving to cup Donghyuck through his jeans.

“Jaehyun I sweat to god, please fucking pull over,” Donghyuck says, pulling the hand away and sitting up with a new purpose. He has to get out of this car. 

“Alright, calm down,” Jaehyun says as he peels up to the curb and Donghyuck’s opening the door before the car’s even come to a full stop. 

“Where the fuck are you going?” Jaehyun hops out too as the car comes to a stall, sliding across the hood to Donghyuck’s side as he walks away from the car. “Look at me,” Jaehyun says as he grips Donghyuck’s shoulders. 

“I’m going to be sick,” is all the warning Donghyuck gives before he’s leaning over and throwing up on Jaehyun’s shoes, the other boy bringing his knee up and hitting it right into Donghyuck’s cheek to get him off. 

“Gross, shit, fuck, get off,” he says as Donghyuck falls backward from the below, puke landing on his own feet as he stumbles onto the ground. “Freak.”

Jaehyun’s driving away before Donghyuck even gets back up. He can feel a nosebleed coming on, feels the blood drip down his throat as he swallows down the remaining throw-up. 

-

Mark, to his favor, answers immediately, worry laced in the way he says “Hyuck?” as he answers his call.

He pulls up to the street corner Donghyuck’s found himself on without questioning the address or why Donghyuck is there. He gets out of the car and helps Donghyuck to his feet without minding the fact Donghyuck likely smells like shit, covered in puke and blood and Jaehyun’s over-powering cologne lingering on his skin. 

All he says is, “What happened Hyuckie,” as his fingers touch the soft bruise growing under Donghyuck’s eye socket from where Jaehyun kneed him. It’s still tender and Donghyuck can’t help but hiss when he touches it. “Let's get some ice for that so it doesn’t swell,” is all Mark says before walking around the block to the gas station and coming back with a large cup full of ice and a bunch of napkins that he places two ice-cubes in and then rolls the napkins around to form a makeshift ice-pack. “Here,” he says and places it gently onto Donghyuck’s face. “What happened to you Hyuckie,” he asks again, but more to himself than to Donghyuck, which somehow makes it all the more worst and finally, Donghyuck cries. 

-

He can feel Mark’s worried glances on him the entire car ride home. Somewhere between throwing up and getting kneed in the face, Donghyuck had lost his high, embarrassment taking its place. Not only embarrassment about the fact his mixture of body fluids has likely stained Mark’s seats, but the fact he even called him. He caved, a moment of weakness, and did the simplest thing his body asked of him— call Mark. He ran once before, scared of ruining Mark with his kiss, and then he ran instead of being rejected— fear of having his heartbroken, and then he ran because it only seemed right when you’ve been lied to. But each time, his feelings would rise up like the bile in the back of his throat, and he’d remember how nice Mark’s laugh sounds when he elicits its release or the feeling of coming home and knowing someone is there to welcome you. 

This game, this drama, he’s been playing with Mark has hurt him more than any punch ever could, and for once, Donghyuck thinks it would be okay to lose, to lend himself over to Mark in any way he’ll have him.

The windows rolled down, letting in the cool night air and Donghyuck sticks his hand out it, the speed they're going causing it to move on its own, surf the wind like a wave. It’s cold out and Mark has the heat on. The windshield is fogging up at the corner and Donghyuck can’t be helping the situation much but Mark doesn’t say anything, lets him fly free as street lights pass overhead them like blurred stars.

Driving with Mark is a blur of lights passing by reminding Donghyuck of glitter, the cold wind howling through down windows causing a shiver down into his bones. Mark’s eyes are focused, gazing at the road with a fondness Donghyuck craves to be the recipient of it instead. When the light flashes green, Mark slams the pedal down, setting them speeding into the night. A soft tune plays over Mark’s radio. Donghyuck's not sure if it’s the soft tenor of it or the way Mark's hand plays with his in Donghyuck’s laps, idly rubbing the soft skin below his thumb, but Donghyuck’s heart is swelling and he feels butterflies in his stomach. He can’t tell if Mark’s touch is for comfort or dare he dream something more, but he lets it sit in his all the same.

He wants to stay like this forever, he thinks, with the cool air hitting him and Mark speeding them around corners that jerks him in his seat, but he’s not scared at all, trusting Mark completely. Mark looks so confident, almost cocky, with one hand on the wheel the other on Donghyuck, he has a smirk on his lips that Donghyuck wants to kiss off. He speeds faster and faster but with skill Donghyuck’s not seen, technical in the way Mark untucks his hand to switch gears then places it back in Donghyuck’s grasp without even a second thought, so natural and fluid, like driving the car is second nature to him, a second body. It reminds Donghyuck of whenever Mark’s taking care of him— operating too strong of a word— but similar, like when he stitched Donghyuck’s side up, intertwining flesh within his fingertips as if he was breathing, or the way he assesses Donghyuck whenever he comes home late at night, tracing a fresh cut on his cheek, analyzing him without having to think about, like it switches on and off at his command. The control Mark has over whatever he sets his mind to mains consistent.

Donghyuck thinks Mark even does that to him to some extent. It’s really ridiculous to think Mark was something different, something other just because he raced when clearly this is just as much a part of him as everything else is to him. Another layer of Mark exposed, not newly created, it had always been there, Donghyuck just hadn’t noticed. It’s then that Donghyuck realizes he doesn’t just like Mark, he’s in love with him.

Mark smiles at him, catching Donghyuck’s eyes staring at him. “What?” He says through his smile, a bit shy, squeezing Donghyuck’s hand in his.

“Nothing.” Donghhyuck replies smiling, squeezing Mark’s hand in response. “Nothing.”

They keep driving.

-

When they finally arrive home, Donghyuck realizing on the way he was way further out of town then he realized, Mark comes around and helps Donghyuck out, unbuckling his seat belt and helping him to his feet. 

He takes Donghyuck’s shoes off when they get inside and immediately heads to the freezer to grab a real icepack, peeling the other one out of Donghyuck’s hands a placing the other one in his hand with a soft smile. Donghyuck’s still standing in the doorway, as if he isn’t home, unsure what to do with himself. Mark takes his free hand and guides him into his own room, neon stars shining in the dark, and prompts Donghyuck to sit down on the bed. He leaves for a moment then comes back with Donghyuck’s sweats and a tee-shirt. 

“Can you get changed on your own?” he asks and Donghyuck just nods, scared if he’ll speak he’ll only cry again. Mark turns around as Donghyuck does, lets out an awkward cough as if he hasn’t seen more of Donghyuck’s body than Donghyuck probably has considering he has literally felt the inside of Donghyuck’s intestines. 

He tucks Donghyuck into bed so the blankets fit around his body all tight and snug and Donghyuck’s already starting to fall asleep, exhaustion hitting him. He thinks he feels a light kiss on his forehead before sleep finally takes him. 

-

Mark comes into the room with a light knock. He looks tired, hair a bit messy and skin a bit blue under his eyes. The combination of caring for an unstable roommate while balancing class, a grueling internship, and racing cars likely. But Mark doesn’t complain, offers Donghyuck a soft smile when he comes into the room all the same. Donghyuck throws him one back, along with a grumble of a “hey.”

“Did you sleep on the couch?” Donghyuck asks and Mark nods, moving to sit at the foot of his own bed, idly playing with Donghyuck’s colorful socks. It tickles and causes Donghyuck’s feet to wiggle but Mark doesn’t stop, pinching his big toe. 

It’s unbelievable that this was the same man Donghyuck saw flaming his competition last night at the races, the same guy Donghyuck saw wearing smoldered eye shadow with Lee Jeno pasted onto his back. 

“You should’ve kicked me out. I could’ve slept in my room you know.”

Mark just shrugs. “You didn’t seem like you wanted to be alone. I stayed, a bit until you fell asleep. Didn’t take you long though.”

“Thank you,” Donghyuck says, insecurity a blanket around him, “for coming to get me and everything.”

“Don't mention it, Hyuckie,” Mark says, his gaze is laced with worry and questions that Donghyuck’s scared to answer.

“Don’t you wanna know?” Donghyuck asks, moving to sit up a bit. “What happened?”

Mark’s fingers keep tracing the skin around Donghyuck’s ankle, moving along with him as he sits up— circling then one where it jots out a little more than it probably should, the result of a fall in a fight. “I don't know,” he says, not taking his eyes off the trail of his touch on Donghyuck’s skin, “I figured you’d tell me when you were ready to.” 

Hearing Mark say that causes Donghyuck to let out a breath of air he didn’t realize was holding, causing Mark to look back up at him confused, but a soft smile for comfort. But it’s sad too, barely reaching the apples of his cheeks, his eyes deep in thought— elsewhere. The look of Mark defeated as if he’s failed in some way, along with the soft touch of his fingers tracing up Donghyuck’s lower calf than back down to the bottom of his feet, triggers something in Donghyuck. He wants so bad to see the weight off Mark's shoulders, the weight Donghyucks likely placed there. 

“I think I wanted to make you jealous,” he admits before he’s even fully processed what he’s about to do. Mark perks up at that, no longer crouching over Donghyuck’s feet but sitting up properly, waiting to hear what the boy has to say, “When we almost kissed…I know I ran but I think I wanted you to chase me a bit. But I also thought you didn’t deserve me, which is still true, you deserve someone so much better.”

“Donghyuckie,” Mark interrupts. 

“Let me finish,” Donghyuck says back, “But then…then you said you regretted the kiss…”

“Hyuck that’s not—”

“Mark, please. Please just let me do this,” Donghyuck says, voice quiet even to his ears, “And that shit hurt Mark, I can’t lie. But I told myself that that makes sense, not like I’m fundraising gala material. But then for me to find out you race…you hang out with some of the same people I do. Shit, Mark. I thought why doesn’t he want me then?”

“Donghyuck, baby,” Mark says, he’s moved up now, sitting on his knees on the floor, head resting on his arms sat on the bed. Sometime during Donghyuck’s reveal, he’d grabbed his hand in his.

“So I thought, maybe if he saw me with someone else, he’ll realize what he’s missing. But then it just felt like I was the one missing out. It felt so stupid and immature and gross and I’m so sorry to put that burden on you to take care of me when you have so much going on and I’m so fucking stupid but you’re always there for me. I know you don’t want to kiss me, and that’s okay. And I know I said don’t talk to me again. And I know I’m like the shittiest roommate in the world but can you just like, forget all that and move back in? I miss you, Markie. Can we still just be friends? Can we start fresh?” 

He looks up at Mark and Mark leans over, his hand coming to wipe off tears from Donghyuck’s cheeks that he didn’t know was there. But instead of pulling away, he moves to cup Donghyuck’s face in his hand, stroking his cheek softly. 

And then he’s leaning in, Donghyuck staring with big eyes as he keeps his focus on Mark moving towards him, the older boy’s eyes closing as he slots their lips together, hand moving to the back of Donghyuck’s head to tilt his head up a bit for easier access, fingers slotting through hair. 

Donghyuck’s confused, naturally, but closes his all the same, not one to miss an opportunity. Mark tastes sweet like the fruity cereal they have at breakfast. And when DOnghyuck kisses back, opens his mouth just enough for Mark to slot his tongue in, all warm and wet, Mark lets out a groan that stirs something in Donghyuck’s abdomen. He’s pulling Mark up by his shoulders to get I'm to climb into the bed with him. And Mark does so, cautiously, lost in Donghyuck but aware of his wound still and it makes Donghyuck blush, to have been cared for by another that their body becomes known to you like your own. 

Mark’s straddling Donghyuck’s thighs and Donghyuck’s leaning up, using his arms as leverage, to be closer to the boy. Their chests are flushed against another, and Mark’s hands are wrapped around Donghyuck’s neck now, and cupped on the bottom of his jaw, guiding him. Donghyuck’s hands can’t stop exploring Mark under his touch, moving underneath his shirt and up and down the column of his back, skin so warm under his touch, feeling his spine under his fingertips and squeezing the extra skin that rests on his upper hip. 

Their both gasping for breaths in between kisses, not wanting to part, completely consumed by the other. 

When Mark does pull away, Donghyuck pouts for him to kiss him again. When it doesn’t come, he opens his eyes and see’s Mark staring at him in the way Donghyuck had longed to be looked at by him, his eyes are heavy, pupils blown. 

“I thought… I thought you didn’t want to…that you regretted…” Donghyuck says, so unsure of what is occurring between them at the moment

“God no, Hyuckie,” Mark answers, taking Donghyuck’s hand and bringing it up to rest on Mark’s chest, feeling his heart thump underneath, “I didn't want to when you didn't know everything. It felt wrong, kissing you and lying to you. How could I not want you? I just felt so fucking bad keeping everything from you. And then after Yangyang’s, I thought you’d never want anything to do with me again but to hear you, just now. Donghyuckie…I’ll do anything you want.”

God, they're such idiots, Donghyuck thinks to himself. Mark’s confession has proven only one thing to them, that they’ve wasted all this time. “Do you…you want to … do this…with me?” he asks Mark, surprising himself by how shy he is. 

Mark just looks at him long and hard. as if debating what to do next. “Lay down he says,” pushing gently on Donghyuck’s chest so he’s back against the pillow, then he scopes down to, kissing the column of Donghyuck’s neck, biting on the bottom of his ear lobe before whispering into it, “let me prove it to you.” 

Mark drags his pants down and Donghyuck’s only slightly embarrassed by how hard he is already from just making out, but Mark grinds down on him so he can feel the outline of his cock through his jeans too, just as hard. He moves to bite Donghyuck’s thigh, leaves marks and bruises all over the boy's legs. “Love this part of you so much. Dreamt of biting these,” he says in between kisses and licks and Donghyuck’s breathing so hard he can barely hear Mark’s voice, the image of his pink swollen lips and line of spit and precum coating them enough to push Donghyuck to the edge. But it’s too soon.

He pulls Mark up, reuniting their lips and he can taste himself on Mark’s tongue but doesn’t really mind. He returns the favor by biting a column down Mark’s neck, licking the junction between his neck and shoulder, and causing Mark to shiver. He prompts the older boy to take his shirt off while he does the same then latches himself onto Mark’s nipple, sucking the digit in between his teeth and Mark lets out a moan that’s music to Donghyuck’s ears. Even that he manages to make pretty. 

“Mark, look at me,” he says as he pulls away and Mark does, hair a mess, lips bright red, eyes hazy, a sight that Donghyuck knows he’ll dream about for nights to come. Without really thinking much more about it, he grabs Mark’s hand and brings his two fingers to his mouth, kissing them gently at first then taking them fully into his mouth, twirling his tongue around them until spits drooling out of his mouth and Mark’s fingers are slick to the touch. He guides them down, down, until Mark realizes what he’s doing.

“Are you sure?” he asks, already circling around Donghyuck’s rim, sliding himself in between Donghyuck’s legs as the other boy sprawls out completely, allowing Mark to see all of him. 

“I’m positive,” he says and Mark’s fingers nudging their way inside. He leans down to swallow the moans Donghyuck let out as he slides in. When he pulls away, Donghyuck catches him staring down at Donghyuck widening around his fingers, achingly hard in his own boxers. His eyes are dark like they were after the race— wild.

Mark’s huffing almost as if he’s the one taking it, as if he’s just as high-tense as Donghyuck is in the moment, and judging from the friction between Donghyuck’s legs, he might just be. Donghyuck feels like a God, feels like he has Mark under his spell, the fact just touching him has made Mark like this, sweating and out of breath and lips swollen and like he’s about to break. And Donghyuck realizes he kind of wants that, kind of wants Mark to let go of everything, to lose control.

Then Mark’s pressing another finger inside Donghyuck, bringing tears to the younger boy's eyes as he arches his back at the sensation.

“When did you,” Donghyuck huffs out in breaths each time Mark’s finger thrust into him, curling inside him leaving him breathless, “become so confident?”

Mark chuckles at that, “Just got fed up on waiting I guess. Been wanting to do this since you first slept in my room.” He thrust his fingers in further, harder, till they hit that sweet spot inside Donghyuck can’t help but grind alongside the movement, fucking himself on Mark’s fingers. Mark kissing the column of his throat as he does, feeling the vibrations of the sound in his own lips.

“Fuck Mark. You should’ve. Oh god,” Mark’s mouth has moved dangerously close to Donghyuck’s cock, it rests against Mark’s cheek as he leaves bite marks around Donghyuck’s naval. “We should’ve been doing this since the beginning.”

“I know,” Mark says in-between kisses, words writing themselves into Donghyuck’s skin, “I’m sorry, I should have just told you right away.”

“You should have,” Donghyuck moves to sit up so he can return the favor and touch Mark too, fingers wrapping tight around the boy’s cock, breath hot against Mark’s ear as he whispers, “Personally, I like new Mark better.”

Then he turns to face Mark, leaning in for a kiss but it doesn’t come. Suddenly Mark’s pulling away, prying Donghyuck’s hand off his hard-on, which Donghyuck can only imagine the control that must take considering Mark’s cock is practically pulsating. He even thrust towards Donghyuck’s hand, his body subconsciously looking for release despite what his mind must be thinking.

“New Mark? What do you mean Donghyuck?” 

Oh god, not the full name “You know,” Donghyuck shrugs, trying to back away from an edge he unexpectedly crept upon, “like racer you or whatever. Your alter ego,” he says sheepishly, fingers moving to circle around Mark’s nipple.

He pushes the hand away again. “Maybe we like, shouldn't do this.” He says, his eyes dilated. Donghyuck’s not sure if he’s even looking at him or through him. 

“Mark, your fingers are literally inside me right now,” Donghyuck whines out.

As if he had forgotten, Mark lets out an oh and pulls his fingers out with a scandalous pop, leaving Donghyuck to groan at the feeling of emptiness.

“This was a bad idea.” He says getting up, pulling his shirt back on.

“Mark?” I'm sorry,” Donghyuck says, although he’s not sure what for. Mark’s looking around for his jeans, already getting soft. 

“It's fine.” He replies not looking at Donghyuck, but the red on the tips of his ears gives the truth away, somethings wrong. “I'm going to crash at Jeno’s,” Mark says and he’s out of the room before Donghyuck can fully process what just happened, leaving him naked with his own spit and lube dripping out onto Mark’s bedsheets, neon stars annoyingly shining down on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention this is slow build ? Like really slow ? Don't worry, it'll all be worth it once these two get their shit together. 
> 
> Donghyuck's halfway there, now it's Mark's turn!
> 
> thanks again for all your support :)


	5. Mark's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Switching POV's here just for this chapter to flesh out how Mark's feeling a bit, hope you don't mind :)

Mark realizes once he gets to Jeno’s that maybe storming out leaving a naked Donghyuck sprawled out on his bedsheets wasn’t the best move, but he’s too pissed off to really care. There was something about those words— coming from Donghyuck specifically— that made Mark’s skin crawl like each word was a knife stabbing into him. It was exactly why he hadn’t told Donghyuck about his other, less legal hobbies. He’s become something else in Donghyuck’s view, this “new Mark,” whatever the fuck that means. 

Jeno’s not answering Mark’s text or calls when he shows up out front of the apartment, probably already asleep. Mark has to walk around to the side of the building, thankful Jeno lives on the first floor, banging on the window. Jeno moves like a zombie to lift the window up, an entrance he’s used to Mark making. “mmmm,” Jeno groans once Mark flops in, “‘ts cold.” he says climbing back under his covers.

“Jeno?” Mark says, probing his side, trying to get the younger boy to wake up. “Wake upppp,” He whines. 

“Don’t wanna,” Jeno whines back.

Mark settles for turning the alarm on his phone, the shrill sound of nightmares jolting Jeno from his bed in disarray

“That was low,” he says after frantically looking for his own phone only to be met with Mark’s devilish grin, the phone speaker turned towards Jeno. “God gives me chills.”

“I think….somethings happened with Donghyuck.”

“You think?” Jeno says, scotching over on his bed to make way for Mark to squeeze in under the duvet. 

“I thought things were going good, you know? I thought finally it would happen and it was for a minute there but then…” Mark sighs, “Maybe I’m an idiot.”

“Slow down before we start calling names okay? I’ll be the judge of that. What happened Mark?”

“I picked him up last night in the middle of nowhere, after the race. He just looked so fucking out of it and small. This morning I just…wanted to make sure he was okay and then things happened and we kissed and then…”

“And then what Mark?”

“He said he wanted me to be ‘the new Mark.’”

Jeno groans at that.

“See? It’s fucked right,” Mark says, feeling somewhat validated.

“God. I’m groaning at you, you idiot,” Jeno says— grogginess in his voice. 

“Me? Why me? He’s the one who sees me as like the newest edition of a fucking toy or something— not as like some I don’t know complex human being with layers?”

“Markkkkkk. You’re being dramatic. You’ve been wanting to get with Donghyuck since your Sophomore year when he got in that fight in your dorm building’s lobby. And now, you have him in bed and you runaway cause he makes a joke?”

“It wasn’t a joke Jeno, okay? You know I hadn’t wanted to do anything when he didn’t know about me…and now that he does…” Mark shrugs, “I don’t know, I guess I’m scared he only likes Minhyung, not Mark.”

“Oh Mark, baby. That’s not true,” Jeno says, petting the other's hair to comfort him “Didn’t he almost kiss you before he even knew?”

“Well yeah but…maybe he was just bored…he was stuck inside with me. Can’t have been that exciting for him.”

“Listen, I’m going to say something I should have said a while ago and I’m only going to say it because all I ever hear from you is Donghyuck this Donghyuck that and I’m not letting you fuck this up,” Jeno says, suddenly very serious, “You always run when someone starts to know you or whatever the fuck that means. Don’t act like you haven’t been keeping racing a secret because once Donghyuck knows then you have no excuse for not telling him how you feel. Remember Jungwoo? You broke that off after he called you Minhyung during sex as if that's not your real name. You ever think that maybe in the heat of the moment people say dumb shit?”

“Donghyuck wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it…”

“Mark you’re just trying to find an excuse to run away again. You have to hear him out. You need to talk to him, like actually talk to him, not wait till he’s a fucked mess on your bed.”

Mark lets out a sigh. He knows Jeno’s right, has no excuse to counter his argument— besides the truth.

“I’m so scared, Jeno. Donghyuck…he’s different, you know?” Admitting the truth of the matter, of Mark’s fears and worries and everything that’s holding him back from Donghyuck releasing out of him like an exhale of air. “He’s so good to me, so good for me I think. Not even that he makes me feel like a better person but he's just so optimistic all the time, and so smart with his words, each one so delicately chosen, I think he can fight better with them than any fists. And god did I mention he's so fucking pretty. When I saw him like that on the side of the road….I wanted to be there for him. He looked like he needed someone and for him to call me. It felt like I could be that guy. Beyond just his doctor…but someone he calls all the time. Just to talk. When he sat in my car, he looked like he belonged. But what if…what if I’m not that to him. I don’t want to overwhelm him after everything that’s happened. What if he thinks he likes Minhyung, this cool racer guy, and then he gets Mark?”

“Please. He’d be an idiot to only like Minhyung and not Mark, who is a 1000x times cooler,” Jeno says, ruffling his hair a bit, “You know I've met Donghyuck right? And literally got my ass beat by him so I don't know if I can agree about the words thing.”

Mark shoves him away playfully at that, fixing his hair that Jeno messed up.

“Talk to him,” Jeno continues, “Tell him everything you just told me. What you’re scared of, what you want. Otherwise, you’re going to lose him completely.”

“I hate that you’re always right,” Mark says, cuddling into Jeno’s arms for a hug. 

“Well I better be if you’re waking me up at 4 a.m to talk about a boy,” he says jokingly, but when he rubs Mark’s back to comfort him, Mark knows he cares.

-

Mark  
hey…..you still up?

Donghyuck  
No 

Mark  
I’m so fucking sorry

Donghyuck  
…  
What for? 

Mark  
Hyuck….

Donghyuck  
I’ll talk to you later, Mark

Mark  
Please don't shut me out

No reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, this will help make it more clear what things are like for Mark? He's a scared baby, like so many of us can be when it comes to feelings. 
> 
> I'm posting two chapters as they're both a bit short and look forward to hearing what you think! Thank you for your support so far :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Donghyuck's POV! :) 
> 
> Some violence described in this chapter, sorry if that's not your thing.

13 missed calls, 5 voicemails shines across Donghyuck’s phone by the time he awakes the next morning. He’s fallen asleep on Mark’s bed, naked, sweat dried to skin. He counted 53 stars on Mark’s ceiling the night before. At 22, he wasn’t hard anymore. At 37, he wanted to punch Mark in the face. At 48, he wanted to kiss him harder and ask him to stay with him forever. At 53, he fell asleep. Now, they stare down mockingly, as if bragging that they're Mark’s and he’s not. 

“Hyuck? You in here?” Renjun’s voice drifts through the door. He knew where Donghyuck kept the spare key, taped to the bottom of the front door’s frame, and promised to use it only for emergencies. Somehow, this felt appropriate.

“Here,” he croaks out, throat dry and sore from crying before bed.

Renjun comes in, and to his credit, doesn’t comment on the fact Donghyuck’s naked, a blanket covering up the important parts, with bruises all down his chest, red eyes crusty with dried tears, and probably smells like sweat and pre-cum and b.o. Instead, he just curls up in the bed with Donghyuck, warm fuzzy socks rubbing against the other boy’s cold leg.

“Oh Hyuckie, what are we going to do?” he asks as he pulls him into his chest, running his fingers through Donghyuck’s messy hair. 

And like that, the wall Donghyuck spent years building and perfecting falls down completely, crumbling at Rennin’s feet in Mark’s bedsheets.

“I’m sorry Junnie,” he says between muffled sobs pressed up in the crook of Renjun’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry I was so cruel to you.”

“Hush, it’s okay Donghyuckie,” Renjun says into his hair. 

“I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it.”

“I know you didn't baby. I’m just stubborn too. I thought space would be good for us, for you,” Renjun explains, and both of them are so stubborn, too big of idiots to resolve a fight, instead, letting it snuggle between them— threatening to destroy all. 

“Let's not do that again. Let's not fight ever again,” Donghyuck says into Renjun’s shirt and he can just feel Renjun nodding, can guess he’s crying too by how he clutches Donghyuck tighter to his chest. 

“Mark…” Donghyuck starts, “I’m…” He can’t seem to catch his breath to finish his thoughts. 

“I know, Hyuckie,” Renjun interrupts, saving him, “You don’t have to say it.”

“What am I going to do? He left me,” Donghyuck pulls away to look at this best friend, searching for any answer he can get, “I think I fucked up bad, Jun.”

“No Donghyuck,” Renjun says, wiping his tears away with his shirt’s sleeve, prompting Donghyuck to blow into it too, and he does. “You didn't do anything. Mark…he called me this morning, told me what happened. He wanted to check in with you. He feels really bad about it all.”

The words are warm to Donghyuck’s ears, Mark still caring about him. But it makes him angry too, for Mark to play hot and cold. To care only after he inflicts. 

“What did you say?” Donghyuck asks, unsure what he wants to hear.

“I told him to fuck off and came over here,” Renjun says without hesitation.

Donghyuck smiles at that. This is why he’s his best friend. “Do you think I should call him?”

“Do you want to call him?”

He lets out a sigh, intertwining Renjun’s hands with his and holding tight, “Not yet…I just. I need to think.”

“Then think,” Renjun squeezes back, a comforting smile on his face, “After what happened, I think you have that right. You've gone through so much these last few weeks. Maybe it'll be good to take some time for yourself.”

Donghyuck nods at that, feeling himself come back down from whatever emotional roller coast he’s been on lately, taking a deep breath to remind himself what air in his lungs feels like, paying attention to the beat of his heart pumping blood to his body. Silencing his thoughts before he finally speaks, “I want to fight again, Junnie.”

“Donghyuck…” Renjun says apprehensively. 

“Please, Jun,” Donghyuck interrupts before he can protest more, “It’s where I think best. I need this. I need to be with myself again, and that's where I know me best.”

“I don't know Hyuck…you know you don't fight good when you're emotional. You're not even healed all the way,” he says, poking his side and making Donghyuck wiggle away from the touch, proving his point.

“Jun,” Donghyuck breathes in, “I need to do this,” he says, hoping he can somehow convey what he’s feeling to Renjun, the desire in his gut begging to be fed. Even his blood that courses through his veins feel like fire, needing to be released.

Renjun stares at him nice and long, but Donghyuck knows he’s not being looked at, rather Renjun’s thoughts are racing a million a minute as he decides, contemplating all he knows to be true of Donghyuck and all that he’s been through. 

Finally, he speaks.

“Okay,” he sighs, “Okay, if that’s what you want.”

-

The best he can find for a fight on a Monday night is with a crowd Donghyuck tries to avoid. It’s the ones where the audience is filled with white girls in cowgirl boots and men with scraggly beards drinking cheap beer and looking for something to kill time with, to distract them from their boring lives. It’s much too hick for him, almost too organized. The ring has rules to follow, bets to be made in cowboy hats after paying an entrance fee. The fighting becomes more commercialized than what Donghyuck likes. It loses the edge behind it. These men aren’t there fighting so much for the thrill but for the cash, their girlfriends in the crowds with their friends hollering and hooting for them as they chew on their popcorn. Donghyuck doesn't like fighting those types of men, don't relish in the joy. sometimes it's just kids, no other source of income coming into their pockets. sometimes their druggies, strung out, looking for money to supply their next high. Donghyuck despises most of them, don't think they understand the intricacies of the fight so much, the beauty behind it. 

But Donghyuck is angry. His blood feels like boiling, excitement rushing through him he hasn’t felt in weeks. Anger at the world, at Mark, at himself, at fucking Yuta for leading him down this road. So when he slinks himself under the rope into the ring, rejecting the mouth guard the referee offers him, he’s ready to spill some blood. 

Donghyuck’s always taken pride in his ability as a fighter, but even more so in his technique. The movements that make up his fight almost look like a performance— a dance— and it's so ingrained in him, he barely has to think about it yet to the viewer, it seems so intricately performed. Even when he had seen it played back to him, he was amazed by himself, the way he would elongate his limbs to appear larger at times, intimidating the opponent as he relaxed his shoulders down and stuck his chin up. While so many fought on instinct, protection, Donghyuck felt it with him, found energy from his core, and let it flow through his fingertips. 

He waits. He’s patient for his opponent to make the first move. Muscles relax as he waits, ready to pounce and spend his energy only when required. Until then, he bounces on his feet, addressing the opponent across from him while making it difficult for him to do the same to Donghyuck. The man’s much more muscular. Much bigger, beefier. He looks harder, like he’s seen things crueler, like this fight is his survival. He probably sees Donghyuck as some kid, an easy target. So when he swings his first with full might, the wind rushing against Donghyuck’s skin before contact even occurs, Donghyuck knows this man is hoping for something quick, ready to waste Donghyuck soon. It’s a rookie decision, to undermine the fight like that, to see it as something to finish rather than to perform. It makes Donghyuck want to prove him wrong. 

He sidesteps the punch easily, flexibility allowing him to lean back as it swirls by and ducks under, a swift punch to the other man’s gut as he escapes. While the other man had thrown his everything into the punch, he left the rest of his body unguarded. Donghyuck will not make the same mistake, drawing his dead arm close to him to protect his head as the man will likely aim for it now that Donghyuck’s landed in a crouched down position. He’s right, a blow aimed at his face but Donghyuck blocks it easily, still feeling the vibration of the force through his skull. He blocks the punch with his free hand, bringing the other one to help push the man back and then twist his wrist so it looks like his arm is about to come loose from the socket. It’s an ugly move, but it works to get Donghyuck a moment to catch his breath. His analysis is complete. He steps away and allows the man a second to readjust too before Donghyuck’s going back in, ready for the real deal.

Fighting is all about punch duck punch punch duck sidestep punch duck punch punch. Anyone can really do it. It’s much harder to find the energy to keep it up, to predict the next move like a game of rock, paper, scissors. In that way, it's a game of chance. No matter the fact Donghyuck is so precise in each move he makes, so aware of each aspect of his body in ways he is able to save his own energy and send it elsewhere, to isolate movements to create a stronger force able to defeat even the opponent ten times the size of Donhgyuck, none of that really matters if you’re head is not in the moment, if you lose the game of chance and punch when you should duck or sidestep when you should punch, setting your rhythm off and perhaps, ending in defeat. 

He thinks he's fine at first— has a few hits in, enough so where the man has lost a few teeth and has a black eye growing already. But then Donghyuck ducks, a woosh of lights blurring as he drops down, and for a moment, he thinks they look like stars. And then he’s back in Mark’s room, kisses in places Donghyuck hadn’t known were possible to touch. 

He’s out before he can even really know what happened. The man pushes his body into the rope, having caught him in the locus position, and is just pounding into Donghyuck’s head and he’s too slow to really block it, ears ringing as one after the next punches implode into him. Then there’s one uppercut through his chin that rattles his teeth and takes the air out of him enough for him to fall back on the matt, the world spinning around him as the referee pushes the opponent away, he thinks he can hear counting but the world sounds like he’s listening to it from another room. Then the referees raising the opponent’s fist and DOnghyuck’s lying there like he’s watching it from somewhere else. 

Someone’s dragging him out of the ring from his arms, a pull that stings as his skin slides across the surface of the matt, causing a burn. He’s being propped up in the corner, voices talking to him but he doesn’t know what they’re saying. Someone’s slapping his face, trying to get his attention. He feels himself slowly come back to, can feel the tips of his fingers again, and realize he’s still breathing. He swallows a gulp of oxygen again, causing a coughing spurt while someone pats his back to help him through it. The referee’s coming back over, tell him he needs to get out of the ring, it’s time for the next match. Donghyuck goes to stand, to do what he hears, but his body gives up on him, collapsing back down. Arms grab him as he falls, sliding under his armpits and sitting him back down gently. “Just a few more minutes please.” He hears the man tell the referee, “He’s not ready yet.” It’s then that Donghyuck realizes Mark’s in the ring with him. 

“What are you doing here?” He slurs out, staring out the slits of his eyes to see Mark. A grounding presence in a place of chaos, but he looks wild, panicked, grip tight around Donghyuck’s arm as he holds him. He turns his head to the left of him and sees Jeno on the other side, holding him up too. He looks much more confused about everything, maybe even a bit scared.

Mark ignores the question, instead replying, “You know you don't fight as good when you're emotional.” 

The same words Renjun had told him early repeating back, only Mark sounds annoyed by it, like he’s saying I told you so. And as much as Donghyuck wants to deny the fact he’s emotional, he knows it’s true. His ass on the ground is proof. It’s not the crowd or the competition that beat Donghyuck, its the lingering thoughts about Mark, about where he was, about how he could leave Donghyuck after giving his all to Mark.

“Can you stand?” Mark asks. 

Donghyuck shoves himself out of his and Jeno’s grasp, fumbling back down against the ropes as he does, answering Mark’s question with a no just through the action alone. Fuck, his whole body hurts. Even more so than the knife, now it feels like a millions of tiny knifes are piercing into his head, making his vision a bit blurry. But he doesn’t care. How dare Mark act as if he knows Donghyuck when if he did, he would not have left him like he did. Donghyuck, who had revealed himself like never before to Mark, had compromised to even just being friends again, and then Mark had pulled him along, made Donghyuck believe things were getting better. And so what, maybe Donghyuck has said some stupid things and done even stupider but can’t Mark tell he’s trying? Mark knows him, knows he’s been alone all his life even when he wasn’t, never understood by anyone until he met Renjun, and then meeting Mark and he thought maybe this could be something, maybe he could be himself around him and Mark was good for him, he felt like he was doing better, had calmed down a bit. He was so fucking proud of himself to tell Mark the truth and then Mark crushed it all, leaving him when he was the most open he’d been, literally and figuratively.   
“You're bleeding Hyuck,” Mark interrupts his thoughts, “Did you hit your head?” he reaches up to touch the top of Donghyuck’s scalp, fingers pulling away wet and blood. And immediately, he’s in doctor mood, a shift in the way he’s looking at Hyuck, beginning to analyze him.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Donghyuck mumbles out, swatting his touch away. “I’m not your patient.”

“You say that but then keep getting hurt like this,” Mark bites back. He’s angry in a way Donghyuck’s not familiar with. Jeno’s hand moves to rest on Mark’s shoulder as if to calm him down.

“Donghyuck!” Renjun’s shouting out as he climbs into the ring too, the referee looking more and more annoyed as the seconds pass. “Are you okay?” he asks before realizing what's happening, spotting Mark and Jeno standing over Donghyuck in the corner and visibly tensing, striding over to them with a renewed vigor.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he says to Mark, stopping right in the other boy's face and pulling him around to face him. Despite Renjun’s size, he’s quite intimidating when he’s mad. Even Donghyuck would be fearful to be in Mark’s shoes now. Their words drown out, coming in likes the tide, as Donghyuck shifts to look behind them and sees Yukhei climbing under the ropes too, finally having caught up to Renjun.

The crowd's jeers are getting louder and closer, someone practically screaming in Donghyuck’s ear to get down. Donghyuck can’t hear anything else but can see Renjun’s finger pointed at Mark’s chest, and Mark, who has always seemed to appreciate Renjun for being at Donghyuck’s side, who always could count on him to have Donghyuck’s best interest at heart too, is red in the face with a scowl that might hurt more than a fist, pointed in Renjun’s direction. Yukhei is striding towards the referee, slipping him a $20, then suddenly an announcement is being made about taking a short break. Then Yukhei’s back, pulling an arm under Donghyuck’s shoulder to help him standing, motioning for Jeno to do the same. Donghyuck reminds himself to thank him once his thoughts become less cloudy.

“Hey, you two!” Yukhei yells at Renjun and Mark, interrupting their staring contest, its own fight within the ring, “we need to get him out of here.” 

He remembers seeing a blur of faces blocking out the fluorescent light shining down onto him as they all move to carry Donghyuck out of there. Yukhei’s there, slotting himself in-between Renjun and Mark who are shoving their way past each other to get to Donghyuck. Jeno’s behind him, Donghyuck can see him if he leans his head back far enough, facial features upside-down and worried. 

“Hyuck, can you hear me?” and “Look here, Donghyuck,” he thinks he hears words swirl around him as he’s being picked up, dangling from his friends' sides as they drag him out of the ring, even managing to lift his feet up so he feels like he’s floating and then he’s being shoved in the back seat of someone’s car. 

He’s sure there’s something wrong besides him, he can tell in the way Renjun stomps each step, Yukhei holding him back as Donghyuck watches through the car window as he shatters Mark’s personal space, but Mark doesn’t back away either, protrudes his chest out and stares back with force, a challenge. 

“Why would to bring him here?!” He hears Mark shout, tears streaming down his red face and Donghyuck wants to tell him to not scream so loud, it’ll hurt his voice. 

Renjun’s moving closer, fist rising but Yukhei catches it in the palm of his hand before it can hit. But Donghyuck knows well enough Yukhei will feel the soreness each time he extends his grasp for the next few days. Renjun looks angry enough to hit Yukhei then, angry enough to let the whole world drown in his wrath. But Yukhei’s guiding him away, telling Mark something Donghyuck can’t quite hear.

Jeno’s next to Donghyuck in the car, something Donghyuck himself would find strange later but now is too focused on how soft it feels to have him rubbing his back, whispering sweet promises that things will be okay. When Renjun slams the door shut to the car and pulls his hand away from Yukhei’s as they drive off, leaving Mark standing alone on the curb, Donghyuck’s not sure it will be.


	7. Chapter 7

Donghyuck awakes with a pounding headache and a sore neck. There’s aspirin on the bed table and a note from Yukhei telling him to rest, which prompts a smile from him despite how awful he feels.

He stinks. And his stomach is growling. Rest can wait, he thinks as he heads downstairs. 

“Are we going to talk about it?” he hears when he’s about halfway down the stairs, feet stalling on a step to avoid a creak. 

“About what?” Renjun replies in the tune that Donghyuck pities Yukhei for being on the receiving end of. 

“Come on. Don't pull that on me, Jun.”

“Not sure what you want me to say.”

“I haven't seen you get like that before. You were so… so angry,” Donghyuck had never heard Yukhei speak like that before— suddenly so serious when he was typical the big goof that laughed at the misadventures Renjun and he had gotten up to, but never criticized.

He hears Renjun sigh before he speaks as if gathering the energy needed to speak.

“Mark had no right being there,” Renjun says, “And to lecture me on taking care of Donghyuck when it was his fault Hyuck was even at that fight last night anyways” Donghyuck knows now is when he should make his presence known, if not even earlier. This is when he should stop eavesdropping, thank them for caring for him and let life run its course. But he’s in pain and confused and he threw logic out the window a long time ago.

“You’re both too stubborn when it comes to him,” Yukhei says and his words pierce Donghyuck’s heart.

“I’ve been his friend for seven years, Yukhei. I think I have that right,” Rennin’s words are bitter, but Donghyuck knows it’s because he’s protective, “Mark, on the other hand, look what he’s caused in less than a year.”

Yukhei’s quiet for a long time after that. Long enough for Donghyuck to think he could go down now, make himself and his hungry stomach known. But then, a whisper, an unspeakable truth beckoned into the light.

“It’s okay to be jealous, Junnie. It’s okay to be worried that things will change.”

“I’m not,” Donghyuck doesn’t have to see Renjun to know he’s shaking his head, hair flapping where it sits with each erratic movement. “That’s not at all what this is about.” 

“Isn't it?” Yukhei’s entered a territory Donghyuck’s not familiar with when it comes to Renjun. Personal feelings. Reveals. Truth that lays deep down inside you that it may be more real than you and that makes it the stranger. Renjun is so much the person he presents to the world, the voice that laughs both with you and at you and the friend who tickles your sides to make you laugh when your sad or steal something from a convenience store to check off a task on your bucket list then return it later and apologize. He’s so much an exterior, a counterpart, that to dive deep into him, to know where Donghyuck stands through his eyes, is a fear that Donghyuck himself hides within. Yukhei must know that Renjun could lock up at any time, it’s surprising he’s even allowed him in this far, is even entertaining the conversation, but if Yukhei is to go all the way in, he can’t stop halfway. “You’re the only person Donghyuck’s had for so long,” he adds.

Renjun’s voice is shaky when he speaks again, a weakness Donghyuck’s not heard from him before, a vulnerability, “I thought Mark would be good for him, but then for him to leave Donghyuck like that, after he’s opened up to him, god I was so wrong.”

“You’re a good friend Junnie, but it’s Hyuck’s choice to make to hear him out or not, and then if he’ll forgive him or not. You just have to ask yourself if you’ll be there for Hyuck either way.”

Donghyuck leans up against the wall of the staircase. He waits there a long time, even after the two carry on with making breakfast and are long moved on from the conversation Donghyuck had heard. But Yukhei’s words are heavy on his ears too, it reminds him of the decision he has to make too. He can’t ignore Mark forever. They’ve both put each other through too much for that to be fair, and Donghyuck knows that no closure to this will haunt him forever. But first, breakfast. 

“Hey, look who it is,” Yukhei says with a bright smile as Donghyuck makes his presence known, “how are you feeling?” 

“Like shit,” Donghyuck says, sliding into the seat next to Renjun at the table, “Thanks for last night. I owe you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Yukhei says, pouring him a cup of coffee, “Food?” 

“Yes, please.” 

-

There’s so much warmth in Renjun and Yukhei’s place, Donghyuck thinks as they’re all cuddled up on the couch watching Titanic. 

“I think I kind of look like him,” Yukhei says as a young Leonardo DiCaprio graces the screen, a cigarette dangling from his lips.

“You wish,” Donghyuck answers.

“Oh come on, not even a little?”

“Zero resemblance whatsoever,” Donghyuck continues, enjoying teasing the older boy. 

“It’s okay, baby, I’d rather have you than Leo anyway,” Renjun says, pulling Yukhei in for a kiss.

“Gross. Get a room,” Donghyuck says, but he’s not bothered by it too much, having grown accustomed to it over the past week. A part of him was jealous of it, the casualness and comfortability the two had together that must come with being in love. It reminded him, a bit, of when he was healing all those weeks ago, locked up in his and Mark’s apartment. But so much had happened since then, his fingers grazing lightly over his stab wound. It had a gross white layer of tissue over it now, healing, scarring into his skin. He had new cuts to compliment it now, including a big gash on his forehead that Yukhei cleaned and iced and made sure Donghyuck was taking his painkillers every day. He had become Donghyuck’s knew doctor, tucking him into bed at night until he was nice and snug and making sure he ate all the food on his plate. 

Renjun cared for him in his own way, letting him pick what movies they watch and loaning him clothes so Donghyuck wouldn’t have to go back to the apartment. On the third day, Renjun had taken his phone from him, sick of him listening to Mark’s voicemails and the torn expression on Donghyuck’s face when he considers if he should call him back or not. 

“This time is for you,” Renjun had told him, “Mark can wait.” And that was that. It was hard at first, to find something else to occupy his thoughts, but he had grown to enjoy it, the time he spent with Renjun and Yukhei making his stomach hurt from laughing too much and for him to fall asleep right away at night, heart full. 

-

Jeno comes on the eighth day, bringing hot cocoa and a movie. It’s easy to let him in with such a bribe. Renjun and Yukhei hurry off, making an excuse for a late dinner, leaving the apartment to just the two of them as they settle into the couch. 

“You know he knows he’s the biggest idiot in the world right?” Jeno says as he munches on a handful of popcorn, eyes not diverting from the screen, as if he’s not about to have that conversation with Donghyuck, the one they've been teetering around since he arrived.

“It doesn't change the fact he left me naked on his bed with my asshole wide open,” Donghyuck replies cheekily.

“Yeah, I don't need the explicits.”

“That’s the trade-off for me letting you in.”

Jeno sits up and really looks at him, setting his popcorn down. The two of them had never talked like this before, had barely talked all besides a good match after a fight, or that time at Yangyang’s. But Donghyuck can remember his hand on his back, his only source of comfort the night of the fight, and knows he owes it to Jeno to hear him out, so he pauses the movie, giving Jeno his full attention.

“Mark hasn't been this way about anyone since I've known him. He's a coward, you know that, despite everything. He was so scared of how you'd react if you knew he liked to race, and not because he thought you'd see him differently like how he says. But because you wouldn't see him differently at all, but maybe that you'd love him the same way he loved you. That’s what he was scared of Hyuck. It’s not about hiding this world or living up to some standards or anything. He was scared of his feelings for you, and your feelings for him.”  
Jeno’s words crash into him like a wave, drowning him in water as he attempts to catch his breath. His eyes are brimming with tears as they drip down his cheeks, snot bubbling out of his nose. 

When Jeno leaves, it's with a promise that he’ll be there for Donghyuck in the future if he needs him. When Yukhei and Renjun come home, they pull him into a hug. And Donghyuck realizes for the first time in forever he has so many people who care about him around him, rather he’s fighting or complaining or laughing at something dumb, he has his own little family that loves him through it all. And it’s then that he allows himself to let it all in, to stop running from love and family and friends, to stop thinking one man for himself. And he realizes, he wants Mark there too. Anger vanquishes from within him like steam off a boiling pot of water. 

Renjun brings him his phone again, a nod that he’s on his side, no matter what. Yukhei gives him a reassuring squeeze to his shoulder. 

He calls Mark.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I made this pinterest board if you'd like to take a look and just vibe out :)
> 
> https://pin.it/5oLtIe6

His call goes to voicemail, again and again until eventually, it doesn’t ring at all, instead, giving him a dial tone. 

He only panics a little. Jeno hadn’t mentioned anything that should have had Donghyuck concerned. Even Mark’s unread texts to Donghyuck were panicked, sure, but not reckless. 

He coughs it up to sleep, Mark must be asleep and forgot to plug his phone in before bed so it's dead. He’s always been a heavy sleeper. 

He settles into bed, Renjun cozying up with him, sensing his stress and anxiousness to talk to Mark. He hums a song to help the boy sleep, and before Donghyuck can even start counting sheep, he feels himself faint off to sleep, Renjun’s warmth and voice carrying him away.

-

The shrill sound of Donghyuck’s phone ringing wakes them both at around 5 a.m. Renjun groaning at the noise, leaning over to hit Donghyuck across the chest several times for him to answer it. 

“m’hello?” he says into the speaker, not even checking to see if he knew the number, instincts kicking in to stop the noise and not thinking much else.

“Donghyuck?” Mark's voice sounds distant when he speaks, other voices echoing in the background making the sound even more muffled.

“Mark?” Donghyuck replies, sleep heavy in his voice. “What time is it?”

“Uh. Late. I don’t know.” He sounds agitated, a sort of edge to his voice that Donghyuck’s both intrigued by and terrified of.

“Okay,” he replies, or asks, or answers, he’s not quite sure, brain still unsure if he’s dreaming or awake.

There’s a long pause on the other end of the line.

“Can you come pick me up?” Mark asks and suddenly Donghyuck’s awake, can hear a bit of desperation in Mark’s voice. Something’s wrong, is all he thinks.

“What’s happened?” He asks in panic, already throwing the covers off him, Renjun’s starting to wake up to now, sensing the tension enter Donghyuck’s body “Where are you?”

Mark mumbles an address and tells him everything’s fine before hanging up and Donghyuck just gets a busy signal when he tries to call back. It’s almost impossible to get an Uber at that hour, but when he looks at Renjun, desperation etched into his face, he doesn’t even have to ask for the favor, just tells him “it’s Mark,” and he’s pulling a sweatshirt on, waking Yukhei and hopping into his car within five minutes.

Donghyuck learns that night that Renjun is the best friend he’ll ever have. He doesn’t ask questions on the way, simply takes control of the aux and plays Donghyuck’s favorite songs. as Yukhei lets Siri take them around town, driving them out of the city a ways until they come up to a cement building with bright lights and daunting fences. He doesn’t say anything to Donghyuck when it's clear they’ve arrived at a jail, just reaches across to the backseat and gives Donghyuck’s hand a tug. 

He offers to come in, but Donghyuck shrugs him off, feeling as if this is something he has to do on his own. Him and Mark both being the catalyst to the other causing a messing of themselves, and now he must face it. 

He’s met with blinding fluorescent lights and an annoyed look officer, who leads him over to a cell that Mark Lee is sitting in, head in between his legs. 

“Mark?” he says to him, and Mark looks up with a lopsided smile on his face, eyes bright red and a sway to his feet when he stands up. It’s then Donghyuck starts to realize the gravity of the situation. 

They caught him going 180 km down the highway, swerving in and out of lanes, passing what few cars there were on the road. His music blaring so loud and his head so fogged by drugs and alcohol that he didn’t even notice the flashing red and blue lights until one managed to pull up next to his car, a megaphone shouting at him to pull over.

Mark’s wrapped himself around Donghyuck as the officer explains the situation, his hands tuck themselves around to Donghyuck’s front coat pockets, his face snuggled into the crook of Donghyuck’s neck. “Missed you, Hyuckie,” he says, voice vibrating against Donghyuck’s skin.

The officer hands him a release form to sign, agreeing to take Mark home. He’s not sure how Mark’s even managed to get released at all considering the gravitas of the situation. Mark seems to read his mind, simply tells him his parents got it covered-- as if that’s all the explanation Donghyuck needs.

He has to guide the older boy out of the building, who seems fascinated by everything he sees and is eager to introduce Donghyuck to everyone, bragging about “how cute my roomie is.” He hurls his guts out into a rose bush outside the building, Donghyuck praying an officer doesn’t come out and see them.

Renjun and Yukhei are waiting outside their car, shivering in the cold. The sun’s starting to rise above the skyline, making the night sky a little brighter, making Mark look even worst than Donghyuck had thought, skin a sickly pale with crusted lips and deep shadows under his eyes. 

“I have to drive him over, his car’s parked around back.”

“Do you want one of us to go with you?” Yukhei asks.

“No, no, that's okay,” Donghyuck tells them, noticing how tired the two of them look too, feeling guilty for having dragged him into this mess too. 

“Can we go home, Hyuckie?” Mark asks, still holding onto Donghyuck’s arms, fingers intertwined with his, “I’m sleepy.”

“Let Yukhei take him, Hyuck. You don’t need to deal with this,” Renjun says. He looks so worried as if it’s Donghyuck who’s just been arrested. Yukhei’s standing with his hand in Renjun’s and Donghyuck remembers the warmth he felt this past week with them looking over him, and feels the cold breeze of standing outside at dawn. Mark’s rocking their hands back and forth, and Donghyuck imagines giving him over to Yukhei, unwinding himself from the older boy’s grasp. He’ll go home to Renjun’s bed and they probably won’t be able to fall back asleep instead making breakfast for Yukhei to have when he gets back from dropping Mark off. They’d probably help him move his stuff out the next day, maybe even convince him to delete Mark’s number.

But imagining all of that suddenly feels so much colder than being outside is, and Mark’s hand in his feels so much warmer than anything else in the world. 

“No,” he tells them again, “I need to do this.”

-

Mark sleeps the day away, and now it’s Donghyuck’s turn to play doctor. He brings a wastebasket in and sets it next to Mark’s bed, rubs his back as he pukes out the toxins in his system until he’s spitting up nothing but water and his own saliva, somehow that hurting him more as he slowly sobers up. Donghyuck places a warm washcloth on his head and holds his hand tight, rubbing his thumb back and forth. He watches Mark’s eyes flutter under his eyelid as he dreams and then sees them still as he enters a deeper state of rest. He’s tired too, exhausted, really, both from waking up with little rest and the turmoil his body’s been through. His cuts have healed more, even the nasty gash on his forehead fading into a scar and the knife wound in his side nothing more than a dark blue bruise. It’s his heart that hurts the most. He wonders if Mark can heal that too.

When Mark finally wakes up, Donghyuck’s fallen asleep at his side. 

“Donghyuck,” he says, shaking the boy a bit. He wakes up with a startle, unsure where his for a moment until his eyes focus and he sees Mark laying on the pillow next to him.

“You’re awake,” he mumbles to the older boy, “finally.”

“It’s late,” Mark says, voice rough a bit when he speaks, probably thanks to the roughness it’s endured through the night.

“How are you feeling?” Donghyuck asked, struggling to keep his eyes open.

“Better. Thank you.”

“I didn’t even do anything,”

He’s quiet for a bit.

“Donghyuck.”

“Hm?”

“What can I do?” his voice croaks a bit, causing Donghyuck to open his eyes. Even though it’s dark in the room, the neon stars faint glow their only light, Donghyuck can still see a glisten of tears in Mark’s eyes, a redness dotting his nose. 

“Sleep now,” he tells the boy, wrapping his arms around Mark so he can shrink into Donghyuck and feel safe, “I’ll still be here tomorrow.” And he means it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry this chapter is a bit shorter! Markie baby going to be okay and his erratic behavior here will be elaborated on later but until then ANGST!

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter @ M4RKFILM and please check out my other works if interested :)
> 
> here is the link to a Pinterest board for some ~vibes~  
> https://pin.it/5oLtIe6


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